Last week we started a discussion on Emotions – The Mental Strength Secret to Lasting Change.
Today I’m going to explore a reason why you’re stuck in you life and show you why the left side of your brain (logic) does NOT hold the answers.
There’s a destructive and disempowering belief that is infecting society.
This disease is that our emotions “happen” to us.
For example, someone told me just the other day that even though she was happy and enjoying life, she worried that in the future she might “get depression”.
What struck me about this statement she was talking about depressing as it was an aliment that she could catch like a cold or the flu!
I’ve also had clients tell me that they couldn’t help feeling the way they did because they had a chemical imbalance. It was in their genes to be that way.
These statements don’t surprise me, because I think that more than ever, we’re being hypnotized en masse—by the media and so-called “experts”—to believe that we have less control over our own minds and emotions than we really do. And I think it explains a lot of what’s going on in society.
SIDEBAR: This was the main focus of my teleseminar “21 Days to Creating a Workable Life.” The main focus was to take back control over our emotions hence our thinking and then our life.
There seems to be a growing population of people who are becoming more and more passive about their own emotions. They’re blaming the way they feel on their present situation, or on their past, or even on their genetics.
Well, if you and I are committed to actually being in control of our lives, we need to suck it up, use our mental strength and completely reject this propaganda. We need to eliminate the thoughts that make us believe that we’re just passive organisms at the mercy of outside elements.
The truth is, no matter who we think we are….we are greater than that! We can exceed our perceived human potential.
You and I have the ability to have greater control over our lives than we’ve ever imagined. This is why mental strength is so important; it leads to exceeding our human potential
I learned years ago, through seeing clients, working with other coaches, shamans and mystics, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, even the most troubled people in society have the ability to direct their minds and emotions in a way that allows them to be happier, more fulfilled, and more in control of their own destinies.
And, if they can do it, then certainly you and I can as well!
- So why don’t more people have greater control over their emotions?
- Why do so many people feel stressed, depressed, angry, lonely, or addicted?
- Why do so many people seemingly have very little choice about how they feel?
Well, the answer’s simple—we’ve never been taught how to direct our minds and emotions before in order to awaken and harness the powerful abilities that we’ve all been born with.
Plus, our brains have been designed in such a way that if we don’t direct our brain, it will direct itself.
So, let me introduce you to the first secret to greater mental strength and emotional control. It’s the first major lesson when it comes to taking command of your emotions.
Logic Isn’t the Answer!
You and I have had many experiences when we knew we shouldn’t feel the way we did, but we couldn’t help it.
We had “head knowledge” that we didn’t need to feel the way we did, but it wasn’t enough, was it?
I’ve met so many people who could easily explain to me why they were stuck.
They’d read tons of books.
They’d scoured the Internet in search of knowledge.
Sometimes they even knew all the medical and psychological theories behind why they felt or behaved the way they did.
However, they were still stuck. (And, often, worse off).
This is because information, knowledge, and insight usually have very little to do with change.
People can know why they’re stuck, what they should do differently, how they should think and feel, but it’s not the same thing as actually being able to change.
Emotions Are Not “Things,” They Are Results
We’ll all do much better if we remember a big thing about emotions —emotions are not things. You can’t “have” negativity, depression, or anger like you can have a table, a car, or lungs. That’s because emotions are ongoing, dynamic processes, they are a result.
This truth, which is beyond dispute, seems to have been utterly forgotten by mainstream understanding—yet acting as if emotions are things makes it significantly harder to change them. This is great for emotions you want to stick around—such as “I’m really enjoying having such confidence,” or talking about possessing “strength.” It’s very dangerous, however, when it comes to emotions that you don’t want to stick around.
So, what is a process?
Walking is an example of a process. You put one foot in front of the other, your center of gravity changes, you fall forward, you rebalance, and continue. The best part is that if you don’t like a particular place you’re going, you can change direction, slow down, speed up and walk past that point, among other combinations.
There are variables where things can be changed inside a process, leading to a different result. It’s the same with our emotions too. The only thing that makes emotions seem hard to change is simply that no one has ever taught us how to adjust these variables, i.e. what we focus on, the meaning for example.
The good news is that this is a mental strength skill you can learn, and learn quickly, so that you can have control over the type of emotional landscape you move through.
The Byproduct of Thoughts Create A Habitual Way Of Feeling
I’ve had clients tell me, “I don’t feel like getting out of bed, I can’t smile, and I can’t be happy because I have depression.” I’ve never, on the other hand, heard a single person say, “Hey, don’t expect me to be upset about this bad thing in my life—I’m only able to be wonderfully positive, optimistic, and hopeful about my future—after all I have happiness!”
Why is it that the former belief system is common these days, and even seen as valid, yet the later is non-existent and perceived to be silly? Could it be that we’re being hypnotized en masse by fear to accept certain beliefs, because optimism doesn’t sell as well?
The process of giving names (nouns, or more specifically nominalizations in linguistics) to our emotions solidifies them so that those emotions will become:
- More enduring
- More robust and solid in our lives
- We become then and identify with them, i.e. I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m upset
For example, if you believe you “have” depression, it is harder to change than if you describe it as, “Oh, I’m currently feeling depressed” or, “At the moment, I’m not feeling so happy yet.” The language we use with ourselves is very powerful because it is the self-hypnosis that runs our lives.
Because, again, logic (read: head knowledge) is not the answer.
If you have any doubt about this, then I invite you to go watch a really well-made horror film late at night, by yourself, in a dark room. Discover if the knowledge that it’s “just a film” keeps you feeling 100% calm, relaxed, and full of peace of mind throughout the film. I think you’ll soon discover how little of an effect “knowledge” has over your emotions.
So, since knowledge, information, and insight are not the answers, how do we effectively take command of our emotions?
Well, I’ll get to those issues next week.
In the meantime you can get started today on taking back control of your thoughts and emotions by picking up a copy of “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior.”
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