Comfort Zone: The Life We Choose

Here’s the premise on the comfort zone: We are all, right now, living the life we choose.

“It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.” – Sally Kempton

This choice, of course, is not a single, monumental choice. No one decides, for example, “I’m going to move to L.A., and in five years I will be a waiter in a so-so restaurant, planning to get my 8-by-10’s done real soon so that I can find an agent and become a star,” or “I’m going to marry a dreadful person and we’ll live together in a loveless marriage, staying together only for the kids, who I don’t much like, either.”

No.

The choices I’m talking about here are made daily, hourly, and moment by moment. Do we try something new, or stick to the tried-and-true?

• Do we take a risk, or eat what’s already on our dish?

• Do we ponder a thrilling adventure, or contemplate what’s on TV?

• Do we walk over and meet that interesting stranger, or do we play it safe?

• Do we indulge our heart, or cater to our fear?

The bottom-line question: Do we pursue what we want, or do we do what’s comfortable?

For the most part, most people most often choose comfort–the familiar, the time-honored, the well-worn but well-known. After a lifetime of choosing between comfort and risk, we are left with the life we currently have. And it was all of our own choosing.

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The Comfort Zone

The comfort zone is our arena of thoughts and actions within which we feel comfortable–all the things we’ve done (or thought) often enough to feel comfortable doing (or thinking) again.

Anything we haven’t done (or thought) often enough to feel comfortable doing lies outside the parameters of the comfort zone. When we do (or think) these things (basically, anything new) we feel uncomfortable.

For example, most people reading this newsletter find little difficulty reading English–it’s within their comfort zone. But how comfortable are you at reading code? Here’s a sentence in code:

Dpohsbuvmbujpot! Zpv’wf kvtu dsbdlfe uif dpef!

Can you crack the code?

Each of the letters stands for another letter in the alphabet. They are arranged in a logical way so that when you know the code, you’ll be able to decipher the sentence.

What does the sentence say?

How do you feel?…Uncomfortable?…Overwhelmed?…Have you given up?…Did you give up before even starting?

What if I told you there was $100,000 riding on solving the puzzle? In addition to money, what if you had to solve it on television? And, in addition to that, what if there were a time limit imposed? Say, three minutes.

What if something really bad were to happen to someone you love if you couldn’t crack the code in three minutes? What if he or she were really counting on you?

How do you feel? If you played along with my questions, you probably felt some tinges of fear, guilt, unworthiness, hurt feelings, and/or anger–the feelings I lump into the general category of uncomfortable.

After feeling uncomfortable enough long enough, we tend to feel discouraged; we give up. Some people gave up before they even began. They were permanently discouraged about word puzzles.

They told themselves, “I’m no good at this sort of thing,” and skipped to the next paragraph.

Unfortunately, there I was in the next paragraph–waiting for them–reminding them of the puzzle–making them feel uncomfortable.

Other people, who love puzzles, jumped right in. They weren’t uncomfortable; they were challenged. They hung in there, and some of them solved it (and are now wondering how they can collect the $100,000 prize). Perhaps the “doers” felt the same emotion the uncomfortable felt–that tingling we feel when rising to a challenge–and labeled it “excitement” instead of “fear.” Maybe they used that energy to help solve the puzzle.

Okay. Try again.

This time I’ll give you a clue:

The first letter is a C.

Dpohsbuvmbujpot! Zpv’wf kvtu dsbdlfe uif dpef!

Compare the relationship between C and the first letter of the puzzle (D) and see if you can see a pattern. If you see one, try it on the next several letters and see if something approaching a word emerges. If not, look for another pattern.

Some people are now actively involved in the process of figuring it out. Others are still saying, “I can’t do these things.” As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” If we say we can’t do something, we don’t spend any time on it; therefore we can’t…a self-fulfilling prophecy.

“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about.” – Charles Kingsley

So, if you’re still in the “can’t” category, switch it around. Tell yourself, out loud, “I can solve this!” Become involved. Invest a little time in the process. “The willingness to do creates the ability to do.” Give yourself the willingness. (A pencil might help, too.)

What is the relationship between C and D? Where have you seen them together before? Where are they always together, one right after the other?

Dpohsbuvmbujpot! Zpv’wf kvtu dsbdlfe uif dpef!

Another clue? (“I’d like to buy a vowel, please.”)

The second letter is O. What’s the relationship between O and P? It’s the same relationship as between C and D. (“Living together, no children.”)

Most people have, of course, figured it out by now. (There. Does that make you feel uncomfortable? Those who haven’t figured it out don’t like to think they’re behind most people, and those who have figured it out don’t like to be thought of as “most people.”)

My final clue: the alphabet. The alphabet looks like this:

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Now, can you see the relationship between C and D and between O and P? Apply that to the other letters of the puzzle and see what you get. Congratulations! You’ve just cracked the code!

You’ll note that when you move past your comfort zone you find adventure, excitement, satisfaction, and the answer to some questions you may never have known to ask before.

How often have you heard someone say, “I don’t want to do that; I feel uncomfortable”? It is a given– for most people an accepted fact–that being uncomfortable is sufficient reason for not doing.

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover will be yourself.” – Alan Alda

The primary sensations we encounter when approaching the “walls” of the comfort zone are fear, guilt, unworthiness, hurt feelings, and anger. When feeling any one–or, especially, a combination of them–we say we’re uncomfortable.

After tilting the windmills of our comfort zone for a time, we tend to feel discouraged–and discouragement is the primary barrier to living our dreams.

Next week we’ll take a closer look at fear, guilt, unworthiness, hurt feelings, anger, and discouragement. (Just what you wanted, huh?).

In the meantime, if you’d like to really move out of your comfort zone, request an Introductory Consultation today.