Assertive vs. Aggressive – Know The Difference

Those who are assertive have the skills that allow them to present their opinion to others with respect. While those who are aggressive attack others with their opinion and attempt to force those opinions on them. These actions are addressed in the article, “Assertive Versus Unassertive and Aggressive Behavior,” published on the Mountain State Centers for Independent Living.

Assertive people have a better chance of gaining the respect of those around them as they are able to stand up for themselves while considering the needs and views of others, according to the “Psychology Today,” article “How to Be Assertive, Not Aggressive.” Aggressive people can be intimidating; others may begin to avoid them.

Assertive Behavior

It is important to understand that assertive behavior will allow all those involved to feel safe and comfortable. Aggressive behavior in turn results in people becoming uncomfortable as the individual seeks dominance and control and will result in people getting hurt. An example is when you are arguing with a coworker about a project that you are working on.

When you are allowed to be assertive, neither of you will get hurt and you can reach a common goal without anyone becoming alienated in the process. This is the case, even when you find that the outcome you were looking for isn’t in your favor. When trying to build a career, it can be difficult to draw a line between both aggressive behavior and assertive.

Questions about crossing lines, losing ground and what happens if you do nothing all come into play. Just keep in mind that everyone respects an assertive person while most people tend to shy away from the aggressive individual. An assertive person will present their views directly and with confidence and won’t attack people who oppose their views.

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When aggressive behavior appears in the workplace, this individual can look like a Neanderthal; the creature who had the club to beat the heads of grub and lived in caves, while thumping its chest to make a point. These forceful individuals are often feared and they can destroy morale. The aggressor can be a co-worker, a boss or anyone else who grunts and causes discourse in the workplace.

That doesn’t mean that aggressive behavior has no place in the world. For some types of sales, for example, it can become an important thing. However, not everyone will be receptive to this sales approach and there needs to be some level of balance.

General Distinctions

If you constantly border on temptation and begin to fight fire with fire, you will likely experience aggressive behavior and when you get there, it can be hard to regain your footing. When you make commands of others that are too high, you are also going to come across as being aggressive.

Now, if you are able to use poise, a just claim rather than a demand, you will be headed in the right direction. When you give a gentle, yet diplomatic nudge, you will begin to gain the respect of others. Those that have this tend to be great leaders as they are assertive and not aggressive.

Office Scenarios Play Out Differences

Examples of the aggressive manager include, “It’s my way or the highway” or even, “Your opinion doesn’t matter”. If you think about it, you can hear a toddler saying, “Yna, yna, ynan, yna yna ” as they are talking.

In turn, the assertive manager will ask questions like, “Can you do this by Wednesday?” They will be friendly, make eye contact with their workers, ensure that people are listening, and generate a positive mood before speaking. They will be easier to deal with for most people.

Another important thing to remember is that assertive managers will focus on a team vision. They will offer things like, “We’ll solve this problem in a timely manner.” They are aware that people are sensitive to different things and will take the time to take care that everyone’s concerns are addressed promptly.

Watch Your People Radar

Something to note is that there are core differences that need to be addressed about aggressiveness and assertiveness in people. This is the knowledge of the timing of things and then judging the reaction of people. When you understand the patterns of others, you can carefully approach them and ensure that you are talking and working with them in a manner that promotes a healthy environment.

When what you have done hasn’t been met with success, the assertive individual will take a different approach and try to make it clear, so that the other person understands and that there are aren’t any harsh feelings.

It is important to remember that how you present information will always have an impact on how the information is received. Unfortunately, it can take time to make things happen. When you approach certain people, they will continue to have a take no prisoners attitude and you may be shot down a few times until you learn how to approach these personality types.

When Is Your Confidence Level At Risk?

While considering whether a person is being assertive or aggressive a question comes up about confidence. When do you look at someone as being timid because they don’t push their idea? As a rule of thumb, you should always credit the challenger and then begin to look at the facts together. This should be your approach regardless if you are at home, in public, at work or anywhere else where someone is presenting you with valuable information to consider.

You should note that being defensive is a natural reaction that people have when their ideas are rejected. Even when the opposite response is the logical direction to go. Knowing that agreeing or acknowledging the points of the opposition is important, as it gains a consensus and things can actually happen. In most cases, you will end up in a win – win situation. All by being assertive, rather than aggressive.

Be Persuasive Not Prehistoric

Keep in mind that work is not designed to be a race for the kill. It shouldn’t be passive nor should it be non participatory. When you have an assertive and savvy work ethic, rather than an aggressive one, you will find that you are able to reach your career goals and that more people will respect you.