Action vs. Delay – Part II

Sep 072010

: Image via Wikipedia

This is a follow-up to Part I of my post on Action vs. Delay

My coaching, ICA, has been such a great inspiration and source of information for this post, I’d like to thank them again!

In order to achieve a goal and personal success, we must be ready willing and able to take action. Without consistent and persistent action, the goal will not be achieved. It is for this reason that action is at the heart of my coaching practice.

Action is described in the dictionary as ?”the process of doing something in order to achieve a purpose.” Action is extremely powerful and is the catalyst used in my coaching to create change and personal empowerment. It is important for us to recognize that nothing happens without action. In order for us to achieve different results in our lives, we must DO things differently.

To create change in our lives and move forward in achieving personal success, we must take action. We can spend our entire lives dreaming, thinking, planning and preparing to accomplish our goals, but without action, those goals and dreams will never be anything more than a desire. It is true that we must first know what it is that we want to accomplish before we can move forward but in order to get from point A to point B, our success essentially comes down to acting on our knowledge and plans and taking the steps necessary to move forward. By taking action, we create the movement that is necessary to make things happen.

If we look at action as an accelerating force that moves or pulls us forward, we can also look at delay as an accelerating force that pulls us back and keeps us stuck. Delay works in opposition to action. There are many factors that feed each of these forces. A Native American story illustrates this concept:

A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles to a friend.

“Inside every man there are two wolves.

The Bad wolf is mean and angry.

The Good wolf is good and kind.

The Bad wolf fights the Good wolf all day.”

When asked by the friend which wolf wins, the elder reflected for a moment and replied,

“The one we feed the most.”

Just as in this story the Bad wolf fights the Good wolf; delay opposes or “fights” action. The better we can manage the decelerating force of delay, the more acceleration and momentum we will experience in moving forward.

Self Application

Sometimes we feel that being in action all the time is too exhausting, even not possible. How many times have you heard someone say that they can‘t be in action all the time, that it is just not natural?

We may convince ourselves that being in action is not always possible. Let‘s look at what being in action looks like. Being in action doesn‘t only mean running marathons, climbing mountains, acquiring businesses, finding a partner, We can sometimes feel that action is huge and therefore must be about physical movement and that movement must be huge or we are just not successful or moving forward. This is not the case.

A small thought can create a huge shift which in turn can change our whole life. This is action. Reading, thinking, meditating, reflecting, writing, talking, coaching, walking, mentoring- all of these steps create movement and movement is action. Sure we can talk and talk and not move forward, but with a good coach this is not possible. All of these steps require us to want and to be open to moving forward. They all then become forward movements. This is action.

However we often confuse action with the achievement of a goal or the outcome of a goal. The huge achievements above, marathons, etc are not an action step. They are a total of action steps. You don‘t win a marathon by waking up and going to the track and winning. It has planning, training and great thought put into it. When we are not in action we often think of these goal outcomes as the next step, so we don‘t get started. The end result is not the action that needs to occur right now. We have that end result as a guide, a vision, a dream, a goal, not an action step. Imagine the role of parenting for a moment to see the role of action.

A new baby is born. The first thing the parent wants is the child to be healthy not to be able to walk and talk instantly. Over several years the progress of a child is celebrated, every action is recorded- a little smile, a grin, the first mouthful of food, and so on. Until after many years the child is walking and talking. Yet as adults we may expect to achieve years of action steps in the next ten minutes. We live in times of immediacy. We want success now. What ever happened to the training we had as children, to celebrate each step and to be present and enjoy the moment. Action is the process, the goal is the outcome. By entering the process, you are in action. The process is fundamental to the achievement of the goal. It is the path to growth, learning, self esteem and confidence. It is action.

Delay is being afraid, worrying, getting stressed, feeling tense, uncertain. Action is certainty.

So what causes delay?

If we know that action creates the results that we desire, why do we delay things?

People get stuck when their fear, limiting beliefs, commitments, judgments or Underlying Beliefs (UBs) are greater than their motivation to move forward in action.

Fear- It is fear that steps in the way and prevents us from moving forward. This fear may stem from many causes. Some of us fear failure. We may fear making mistakes. Others may fear success or change. The way fear impacts us is that it literally freezes us. It turns us into a hard frozen block, giving us no flexibility or flowing movement. If you take this analogy even further fear makes us cold, rigid and static. We dare not alter the temperature or the environment as it could cause a meltdown. But we must move forward and the only way to do this is that we have to change. We must open ourselves to moving forward. We must recognize that the fear is greater than the change. We must make a shift. We must take one step forward….this will create personal empowerment.

Limiting beliefs/ Judgments- It can be our own limiting beliefs or judgments that hold us back from being in action. For example – we may believe that we don‘t deserve to achieve a particular goal; we may believe that we are not smart enough; we may judge the financial gain that comes with success as “bad‘; we may have a belief in futility, so we take the attitude of why bother, it won‘t work. We may believe that we will never amount to much and accept this belief. To move forward we first need to understand what our beliefs are. How do they impact the way we think and believe?

Commitment – If we are not committed to taking action then we just don‘t. You know that familiar story of “Tomorrow I am going to join the gym.” Yet it never happens. If we are not committed to joining the gym then we won‘t achieve the first action step to doing it. Tomorrow comes; we wake up and convince ourselves of all the reasons why we shouldn‘t go to the gym. Perhaps for some reason we have come to believe that the goal of going to the gym should be our goal. We see others achieving it, we know it is good for us, but it just isn‘t happening. We are not committed to this action. Instead of beating ourselves up over not achieving going to the gym we should look at what is the action that we want to take to move forward.

UBs or behavioral patterns- Whether we are aware of it or not, a certain pattern of behavior that is so automatic to ourselves may be hindering us from taking action. This behavior is so much a part of us that we don‘t and may not be able to see it. For example, an underlying beliefs might be to be unsuccessful; to feel safe; to not become responsible or “blamed” for something; or to avoid “failing” at something from the very start therefore taking no action. Just writing down some of our behavior patterns around achieving action can move us forward. Another list could contain all the behaviors we take when we delay.

Next week I’ll finish up with action vs. delay.

My e-book, “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior” can assist you tremendously in moving from delay to action. If you’d like to experience Coaching for Success request your Introductory Consolation.

Please let me know your thoughts so far on this series on the comments below.

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Mental Strength Tip #3 - Controlling Emotions

Mental Strength Coaching No Responses »

Sep 062010

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Objective of this Mental Strength Tip

To help you realize that some of your thought processes, habits, philosophies and behaviors are unsupportive and hampering your level of success, fulfillment and happiness.

Let’s Get Started

What does it mean to you to “grow up” emotionally and what would you have to do to move to the next level of psychological charity?

Often in the heat of a situation we revert back to the emotions we know best. Sure we try to hide them behind a façade, but the bottom line is often when under pressure we let our emotions get the best of us. We used phrases like “all the time”, “every time” “you always” when we get upset. These universal qualifiers are the same a child uses.

Thinking back to some of your most recent situations were you “lost it” consider the Big Question and journal your responses or share it in the comments below.

Questions to Uncover Beliefs about Emotional Maturity

What is the primary difference between the way adolescents and adults process the world?
How about when it comes to fear?
What does “growing up” emotionally mean to you?

Unsupportive Beliefs about Emotional Maturity

Since I’m an adult in chronological terms I automatically think like an adult
Physical maturity and emotional maturity or one in the same
I’m already emotionally mature. Further growth is unnecessary

Supportive Beliefs about Emotional Maturity

I only focus on the events and circumstances I can control
I operate out of objective reality. The world is what it is
The more competent I become at controlling my emotions, the more personal successful I’ll achieve and I’ll be fulfilled and happy

Outrageous Questions

When you experience rejection, is your emotional response more like an adult or child?
Have you ever responded emotionally like a child and caught yourself doing it?
What percentage of the time to respond a mostly like an adult?

I use the term child here to get your attention. As adults we almost never want to acknowledge that we behave like a child. But if you’re honest and take a closer look you’ll find specific situations were you could have handled it better right?

Go ahead and write these questions and answer in your personal success journal…believe me it will help with your personal empowerment.

Reflective Questions

Do you understand the distinction between adults and childlike emotional responses?
What can you do remind yourself that verse situations to grow up and stop reacting to events like the child?
How can I help keep you on track in this area without being a nuisance for offending you?

Coaching Mental Strength

My goal here is to increase your level of awareness as relates to your emotional “maturity” and to recognize supportive and unsupportive responses. Again I would ask you go through all the questions and keep this concept in mind when you answer them and to keep this awareness on a regular basis. After a while this will become a part of your everyday analysis

Final Thought

The average person does not have the mental strength to respond to adversity with a warrior mindset. The idea presented here of “growing up” is easy to understand and a little in-your-face. The bluntness of the expression is to quickly gain your attention.

The key is…how will you respond?

Are you ready for the task for developing mental and emotional strength or you will deny this opportunity for personal development and quickly discount this post by expressing “BS!”?

If you’d like some assistance with the development of your mental and emotional strength request your Introductory Consolation

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Action vs. Delay - Part I

Mental Strength Coaching No Responses »

Aug 312010

The power of action is to bring about progress.

“Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it.” – Goethe

Goethe has said it beautifully and in this post we’ll expand on this.

I’d like to thank ICA one more time for their inspiration and assistance with this post.

In order to achieve a goal, we must first conceive the idea, create a plan and know what it is we want. Having the idea is the first step in creating what we want. We then must create a personal plan of action that will make it possible for us to reach the goal. But this is not enough, it doesn’t stop just there. The only thing that will move us forward beyond a strong desire to our personal success is action…and usually massive action

Action is the single thing that will bring about results. We can have a great idea, but ideas without action are worthless. We can have the best and most well thought-out plan in the world, but if we do not take action, the plan is not worth the paper it is written on. Taking action is the only thing that will get us closer to our goals. By taking action, we create the movement that is necessary to make things happen.

You’re probably reading this and thinking, “So what? I know this.”

I think we all know this: Action creates results. The problem is that somehow just knowing it isn’t enough. Knowing that we need to take action and actually taking action are two different things. Most people know what they need to do; it is the not doing that gets in the way.

If we all know that action creates results, then why don’t we take the actions we know we need to take? What happens to many of us is that fear steps in the way and stops us from moving forward. Some of us fear failure, are too disappointed to move on, or fear making mistakes. We may have all the good reasons to fear all of these issues. Our thinking may be along the lines of “when we begin to make changes, we might experience failure and disappointment, and make mistakes.”

If you want to make changes in your life, you will have to face fear and build your mental strength. When we honestly accept this, it makes it a little easier to move forward. When we begin to make changes, we might face disappointment. Do not worry. No one has died of disappointment yet, so expect it but move on. Finally, when we begin to make changes, we might make mistakes along the way. Celebrate the mistakes because it means you are moving forward and get on with it! Once you realize that facing failure, disappointment and making mistakes are all part of bringing about change, you can be prepared to move forward and take action.

Remember, if we want to create something new, we must take action. Having a great idea and a well thought-out plan are not enough. Action is the only thing that will move us forward.

As we act and create change, we will have to deal with fear, disappointment and mistakes. You can also think of these as “results”…they might not be the results you were looking for, but they are results never the less. Think of this as simply a part of the process. Embrace it and move on. Become good at facing your results. Accept disappointment and learn from your mistakes. This is all part of learning the many lessons which life offers.

Contemplation

1. What action do you need to take right now to move your life forward?

Post your answer in the comments below or in your personal success journal.

Why take action?

In action there is life because life is dynamic, active, full of movement and progress.

Motion creates emotion and new circumstances and awareness which allow us to experience life fully.

Without action we may observe and experience life from a passive rather than an active position, in the same way a spectator watches a sporting event from afar. Sometimes, observation and inaction can be very powerful for moments of enlightenment. But if indulged, it can become boring very quickly, and also lead to apathy and stagnation.

Obviously what we all need is synergy in life.

In my coaching practice, sometimes I find that the only thing my client needs is Action. Not strategies, not the right action, not validation, not even results.

Just action…or as Nike says “Just Do It!”

Action get’s them unstuck.

What causes delay?

When delay occurs, it is most likely because we have some kind of belief, judgment or Underlying Automatic Commitment (UAC) that is holding us back. Whether we see it or not, a UAC may be hindering us from taking action. For example, an underlying automatic commitment might be to be unsuccessful, to feel safe, to not become responsible or “blamed” for something; or to avoid “failing” at something from the very start therefore taking no action.

We use these belief structures to hold us back from taking responsibility and from taking action and our personal success. But these beliefs are based on fear and the only way to overcome them is to think clearly through the false reasoning of fear itself. The only way around fear is to move through it.

Techniques for Action

Here are some mental strength methods to help shift from inaction or Delay, to Action.

Goal Setting and Specificity

Sometimes all that is missing is an inspiring goal. Many times when I help paint an exciting future for my clients and they create a future pull and “automatically” move forward. Something I use another technique to help my clients move forward and that is to create a pathway. If my client can see what major steps need to be taken, and where they need to start, it’s much easier to begin – it may even make the goal seem doable or achievable.

I help my client break a goal down into small and manageable pieces. Every goal has sub goals, which are steps that need to be taken in order to reach the final goal. I help my client create a structure with the necessary steps to be taken. Often times, the larger goal may seem overwhelming. But once the goal is broken down into manageable steps, my client can simply follow each step towards the final completion of the goal.

Address Fears

Examine the underlying fears and help my client create an personal empowerment and a new perspective.

I assist my clients to overcome their fears by tackling whatever seems to stay in the way of their progress.

Address Underlying Automatic Commitments (UACs)

Is there a UAC sabotaging the stated goal? Is the client committed to failing?
Avoiding failure?
Success?
Is the client trying to prove their unworthiness?
How about just seeking sympathy?
Or trying to stay “safe” by avoiding something?

Set up Accountability

Set up accountability – particularly using structures – to empower a person or a relationship. By holding someone accountable to an action they promised to take, may be all that is required to keep them in Action.

Create a shift in Perception

I often help my client create a new and different way of looking at a situation. I usually do this by asking a question, pointing out a different point of view, or creating a compelling vision.

Here are a few ideas that I use to support my client in creating a shift in perception:

You could die tomorrow; if you did would you regret not doing this?
What would you do if you had your courageous hat on right now?
You’re scared and living in your comfort zone – and it’s okay to do this. But how many more years would you like to do this for?
Consequences

I also often my clients see the consequences for not taking Action or falling into Stagnation. Yes, there could be a risk in taking action, but what is the risk involved for not taking any action?

Which is worse?

Ask Yourself

1. Which of the above approaches to generate Action most appeal to you, and why?

2. Think of one more approach, and post it in the comments below.

Action vs. Delay.

Some techniques in coaching can be quite “push” oriented. Others such as making the goal more attractive or fun are “pull” oriented. Deep down there may be a reason as to why you’re avoiding a specific action. I make sure that my client’s are truly willing, ready and able to take action. Otherwise, it may be best to put the action aside until they can truly commit to it.

Coaching is about being in action. If something else is happening, then there may be issues that are not being addressed. If my client is not willing to move forward and take action they may not be coachable at this time. I’ll always check in with my client and let them know what you are observing. This insight alone often helps them see what they need to see to be able to move forward.

On the other hand, something’s my client’s past is blocking them from moving forward, then I take out the ‘big guns’ like NLP, hypnosis and Time Empowerment®, and this combination assists them to remove whatever it is that is blocking them from making progress.

Mental Strength Question

This exercise may be somewhat confronting, but prove to be a very enlightening one:

1. Let’s pretend that you’ve been told you are going to die in one year’s time. You’ve been informed that you will be healthy until the time of your death, so nothing will get in the way from doing what you really want to do. Write how you would change your life right now. Are there different actions you would take? More actions perhaps?

2. What actions have you been delaying that you would now do?

Post you answers in the comments below and/or your personal success journal

Remember, action brings results and personal empowerment; it makes us live life to its fullest potential, it elevates our confidence and worthiness, it keeps us active, joyful, hopeful and allows us to help others who are ready to be blessed by our experiences of achievement. Take action, make progress and reach your personal peak potential.

You can find our more about how to take action in the e-book “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior.” If you’d like personal assistance in taking action set-up a Introductory Consultation

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Lightness vs. Seriousness - Part II

Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Empowerment No Responses »

Aug 182010

Image via Wikipedia

I’d like to acknowledge ICA for their help and inspiration with this topic

Have you ever heard of the saying “carrying the weight of the world around on your shoulders?” Imagine this image for a moment, a person with this huge weight on their back, leaning forward as they are weighed down. Maybe every part of their body is weighed down – legs, arms, neck, back, etc.

Can you image what it must be like to have to walk?

Now imagine trying to run free, but this weight is still attached. Imagine if you carried this weight around with you for a day, or a week or a year or several years and you kept adding to it. Overtime it would nearly be impossible to move. You would have to think through everything that you do to make sure you can physically make it. Every minute of everyday would be spent planning out how to get around with this weight on your back.

You would have to think about getting into a car, how far you have to walk, are there any stairs, how will you be able to have a conversation as you can‘t make eye contact as you are so weighed down.

Now let’s just change this image a little. The weight is still there but you can‘t see it. It‘s invisible to the eye but it is still there. You can still feel it. And it still impacts you in the same way. The difference is that you look completely normal, you may be a little stooped but in general you are looking pretty okay.

So you look okay but all your actions and thoughts are still calculated. You can feel that weight and with each decision you work out what you need to do to include it. When people see you they don‘t realize you are carrying a weight. It is only when they notice that everything you do is being calculated and that you are cautiously working things out – things they don‘t understand. They also notice that as a result of you working things out, you don‘t hear much of what they say. You are either working out the future, your next step or thinking about how you got through the past. You also tire easy and you wear a worried look on your face.

Now let’s shoot over to another image. Imagine opening a suitcase. It is old and dusty and slowly as you open it a range of images flash before you. You see your family, your past friends, you see past incidences, you see hard times, you see things that happened to you that hurt you, you see all these images and everything is black. All the images feel dark and painful and scary. You are filled with fear in seeing them all. Your body stiffens; you can feel a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You can feel the pain of all those memories. At this moment in time you can either shut the suitcase and leave all those images inside, gone forever, you can deny having ever seen them, or you can take each image out and carry it around with you.

If you chose to shut the case, you will stop and think for a moment about how you feel and then the sadness will pass as you realize that you have left it all behind. You know it doesn‘t belong to you, it is the past. You see this as a great moment to celebrate where you are now and that you can leave this all behind. The lightness of this release is felt though out your whole body. You stand upright and take a huge breathe.

You feel alive. You feel like you could fly, you feel like you could do anything. You feel like you can dream big and make it happen. You begin to dream and then to plan and slowly your goals come before you. Your energy is so high, you are excited and off and running at top speed. As you run along, people look at you because you are so happy. Slowly they run after you because they can see you have something they want – your happiness and energy is spreading. You are now running along with hundreds of people following you – they see your radiance and your purpose. They try so hard to catch up but you are so fast, nothing stands in your way. This is the world of lightness.

But what if you had chosen the other option, if you had decided to take each of the images with you and to carry them around with you all day to remind you of your past painful moments in life, to remind you of your fears? Each day you are weighed down by these images that you carry that only you can see. Each time you look out into the world you look at the world through these images. You carry the pain everywhere you go. Your whole body feels the pain. Each decision you make is made through the fear of these past images.

You begin to try to plan your life around these fears but all that happens is that you build greater fears. You are not happy, you don‘t laugh, you are alone. No one understands your plight. Your life is a struggle; you are a victim to the past, to the images you carry around with you. They hold onto you so strongly like a vine around your limbs, mind and emotions. Every thought, feeling or movement you have reinforces the images. The images are now your world. Your world is now fearful, black, painful and a struggle. This is the world of significance.

If you chose to deny having ever seen the images then you are living in a world of deception, where the only person you are deceiving is you. You will have exactly the same outcome as the person who carries the images around with them but you will believe that the outcome is someone else‘s doing because you live in denial. Over time, living in denial leads to bitterness and fear and anger. This is the world of seriousness.

Certainly you could now be saying that this is not you. These examples are taken to the extreme for us to see the results. The results are still the same no matter how extreme. In ourselves it is difficult to see the results of what we carry. We can however see the results of what others carry. What you see others carry is what you carry. You identify with it.

Not only do you identify with it but you also attract people who carry around experiences that are tagged in the same way as you. You attract these people because they may comfort you, as you hold the same view of the world. However being with other people who hold this same view only reinforces this view for you. It will never shift you away from this view. Your fearful view of the world will only grow. This world ensures greater seriousness.

Consider This:

What is Seriousness? Here is a Buddhist tale that illustrates what happens when we become overly serious.

A young monk was travelling with an older monk. Along the way, they came to a stream where a beautiful woman was standing, afraid to cross. Without hesitating, the old monk picked her up, carried her over the water and placed her down safely on the other side. The young monk was shocked but said nothing. They walked on until they reached their destination. Finally, the young monk, who was so disturbed by what he had seen, could hold back no longer.

“Why,” he asked angrily, “did you carry that young woman across the stream. We monks have rules – it is forbidden to touch women!”

The elder monk smiled at him and said “I put her a long time ago, but you’re still carrying her around.”

He was carrying his Seriousness – a trunk load of fixed ideas about what is right and wrong, true and false. The young monk‘s seriousness blinded him to the reality of the moment. A woman needed help, and the older monk responded to his own humanity. His Lightness in the moment freed him from judgment and allowed him to act spontaneously.

We become serious when we bring our baggage to a situation. We carry it around, weighing ourselves down with beliefs, notions and learned behaviors. That ?unobserved mind? puts us on auto-pilot and its gravity keeps us from soaring to a higher vantage point. Seriousness shows up most often when we are attached to our outcomes. Ask yourself, when engaging in any exchange, ?What am I attached to here? What baggage am I bringing to this conversation that is weighing me down?

Coming to the Present Without the Baggage is Lightness

To be light is to feel – light like a feather, weightless, free, floating. Imagine a feather floating through the air. It turns and spins and moves throughout the air with such ease and grace. It flickers here and there and it moves in whatever direction the wind blows it. The feather, when in this mode, looks beautiful as it plays with the wind, spinning, rolling and gently floating around. This image we often refer to as a beautiful image, watching the wind and the feather working together, playing in the moment.

The feather is not alone. It is moving with the wind.

Let’s relate this image to how we appear in our everyday life. We all have to work with someone or something at different stages of our day, just like the feather with the wind. However there are times when we become so intense about the direction we are going in or need to go in that we lose the ability to be able to float freely around. We begin to try to control the wind, to determine which way we want it to blow. We all know this is not possible but we still try to achieve it.

Instead put on your dancing shoes, lighten your step and move to the moment

So how do we bring about lightness in our life? The first step is to want to. To do this requires observing where you are serious in your life. Awareness is the first step to change. Identifying that you see the world in a negative way is an important moment.

You can make a choice as to whether you see the world in a positive or negative way. You do not need wealth, or anything else to do this. It is within you to make this shift – not outside of you. We have all observed people who have had the most horrendous things occur to them and yet they are still positive. This is a state of mind – this is a state of being.

Paul Wilson in his book “Calm for Life” believes that being calm is the key to lightness. Wilson describes an activity you can do to achieve calm. He calls this “The Pleasure of Calm.” Here are some steps he takes to achieve the pleasure of calm.

Run a Warm Bath – OK this might resonate more with the ladies, but what the heck guy, give it shot

Add some bath salts or add five drops of lavender and rose oils. Camomile is a wonderful calming oil.
Light a candle, turn off the electric lights.
Take a warm face towel and drape it over your face as you sink down into the tub.
Tell yourself you have all the time in the world. Then listen to the sound of your relaxed breathing as you begin to forget there‘s another world outside.

Being still is very important in achieving inner calm.

Letting Go

There will be times in your day or week when you may feel like you are moving towards seriousness. It is usually more likely to happen when you are tired or feeling a lack of self love and self respect. Take a moment before you move too deeply into seriousness and can‘t see your way out. Stop and ask yourself these questions. They will help you to ascertain what you are needing right now to shift out of this state of mind.

Where in my life do I not feel satisfied right now?
What do I need more of in my life?
What do I need less of?
What do I want right now?
Why or what is causing me to feel resentful?

Contemplation

Think of a situation in which you were caught up in seriousness’s. What ?baggage? did you carry into it that may have weighed you down?

Consider a time when you were able to ?lighten a heavy situation.

Application

In my everyday life, and as coaches, I can empower myself and help my clients to make positive shifts by bringing the perspective of Lightness to what we do. Lightness isn‘t about thoughtless optimism; it‘s no good trying to see that – silver lining in every cloud – when your underlying belief is that it‘s going to rain anyway. Lightness is much more about a mental strength attitude that honors the Game of Life in all of its complexities.

We’re present in the moment, free of judgments that can bind us to old ways of thinking. Treating things with Lightness, even though some things are extremely important to us, can free us up to enjoy more of life and be more effective when facing our everyday challenges.

As a coach, I want to help my clients identify where Seriousness is closing them off from the present moment, where they have choices. Keeping the option of Lightness is like holding a skeleton key that will open any door that is locked. If I can help them see the baggage? they are bringing to an encounter, then they can decide to leave it at the doorway and experience what comes up in the moment with a free mind. If however, I bring my baggage through the door, the only thing that comes up is the baggage.

Creating a Mindful Space

When I notice Seriousness in my clients, I remember that when they can lighten their perspective, when they are above it all, they’ll be able to step back, take some distance and gain greater clarity on the situation.

In her book, “Mindfulness: Choice and Control in Everyday Life”, Ellen J. Langer wrote:

“When we are behaving mindlessly, that is to say, relying on categories drawn in the past, endpoints to development seem fixed. We are then like projectiles moving along a predetermined course. When we are mindful, we see all sorts of choices and generate new endpoints.”

I always consider ways of holding a mindful? space for my clients. To help them gain some distance from the situation by asking questions such as:

What do you need right now?
Stop and take a deep breathe. What are you feeling right now?

Sometimes it helps me to take a big step back when I sense that a client is overwhelmed by a difficult situation by asking, “What is the worst thing that could happen here?” It can help to seriously ponder all worst-case scenarios to arrive at a lighter viewpoint. Once we know the worst, we can flow with the situation and create something different, knowing that if the worst does happen, we can handle it.

If you’d like assistance in this or others personal performance challenges consider Coaching for Success.

OK…let me know your thoughts on this subject in the comments below.

Warrior Mind Coach Recommends

Goals, Goal Setting and Success – 5 Part Series: Motivational Milestones, Part IV (Doalittlebit.com)
Goals, Goal Setting and Success – 5 Part Series: Goal Setting, Part II (Doalittlebit.com)
Goals, Goal Setting and Success – 5 Part Series: Actions, Part III (Doalittlebit.com)

Mental Strength Tip #3 - Immense Capacity for Concentration

Mental Strength Coaching No Responses »

Aug 162010

Objective:

To help you advance your beliefs in reference to the significance of mental strength and sustained concentration.

In my experience individuals that have reached their peak in personal success and personal performance all have an immense capacity for concentration (sustained mental strength)

Getting Started

Let’s take a look at your perspective around the importance of sustained focus and get a feel for how you think about this concept OK?

If you haven’t been doing so for the past Mental Strength tips I would go ahead and start a journal. In there write all the questions below and answer them. When I say answer then, don’t simply answer them for the sake of getting this exercise done; answer them so that you can find out more about yourself.

After all if I were coaching you live you’d be discussing and writing the answers down

Mental Strength Questions to Uncover Your Beliefs

On a scale of one1 – 7, 7 being the highest, how would you rate your level of focus and discipline when it comes to sticking to a long-term goal?
Why did you rate yourself at this number?
How important is sustained focus and concentration to personal success?

The Average Persons Thinking and Beliefs about Sustained Concentration

I can concentrate on a lot of different goals still get world-class results
I’m good a multi-tasking
I’m too busy to narrow my focus into a single objective
It’s hard to concentrate because my life is so hectic

Warrior Mindset about Sustained Concentration

Sustained concentration and laser focus on a single objective or critical to optimum success.
The clarity for sustained concentration comes from selecting the single most important objective you want to focus on. The drive comes from the passion you feel to achieve the goal.
Put the goals you “like” on the back burner. But the goals you “love” as your top priority.
W.I.N is used often (What’s Important Now)

Revealing Questions

Do your results show you have more interest in sustained pleasure or delayed gratification?
What is your most impressive example of the time you used sustained concentration to achieve an objective?
Name three objectives you have focused on and achieved in the last three years.

Reflective Questions

How can you improve your ability to concentrate on an important task to its completion?
How can I help you decide what your most important goal(s) of the next 12 months should be?
What skills do you need to build or develop in order to develop warrior mental strength and concentration?

Coaching for Personal Development

What is the single most important goal or objective you wish to achieve in the next 12 months? This may help…identify which goal will help you move closer to the manifestation of your vision.
What activities do you need to eliminate or suspend in order to focus on achieve the chosen goal?

Final Thought

Sustained concentration much be coached and achieve in incremental steps. Remember, many of us have been raised in the age of computers, microwaves and videogames. The younger you are the more likely you’ve been “conditioned” for a shorter attention span. This typical mindset is of instant gratification, and if a person doesn’t get it, they’ll turn their focus elsewhere. This is a formula for failure! It’s my job as your coach to help you break this habit and create the mental strength of a warrior so that you can achieve your peak personal performance and personal success.

Oh yea…one last item. You do know what FOCUS stands for right?

One

Course

Until

Successful

If you’d like some live coaching to help increase your personal performance to achieve your personal success Contact Me.

Let me know your thoughts and actions for this tip in the comments below.

Warrior Mind Coach Recommends

Decide On Your Brand and Move Forward (The Chris Voss Show)
SALES TIP – How Many Business Cards Do You Have? (The Chris Voss Show)
Strong For Life Quotes From Sports Heroes (3/2010) (Basil and Spice | Mind & Body)

Lightness vs. Seriousness - Part I

Mental Strength Coaching No Responses »

Aug 102010

I’d like to thank ICA again for the help and inspiration with this topic

One of the things that disempowers us in life is the fact that we get too serious and then many things become a burned and obligation. Most of us could lighten up a bit, enjoy things more, and have more fun. It’s one thing many people say they regret not doing more of when confronted with death.

So, treating things like a game, even though some things may be really important to us, can free us up to enjoy more. This usually leads us to be more effective in the particular task we are involved in, anyway.

Here are some examples of how to shift from Seriousness to Lightness.

Lisa’s Story

Lisa was stressed at work about achieving her goals. Her sales were down from last quarter and her boss was very much a “bottom line” manager. During a coaching session, Lisa realized she was ultimately concerned about losing her job. Once she let this fear out, it didn’t hold up anymore. She realized that people with worse sales figures than hers were still around; and that she wasn’t going to lose her job despite poor sales figures. Lisa gained the freedom to relax. In fact, she created a game of exceeding her sales target by 20 percent, now knowing that missing it, wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Brenda’s Story

Brenda was getting discouraged because her efforts to find a new job were not becoming a reality. She was getting discouraged from all the rejections she was receiving. Her coached challenged her to turn her job search into a game and instead of looking for the “yes,” start scoring the “no’s.” Her job was to play the “no game.” The object of the game was to get as many no’s as possible.

Brenda now wanted to see how many rejections she could get — the aim being to get as many “no’s” as possible! She was no longer afraid of rejection because she had made rejection part of the game! If she got an interview then of course she was thrilled. If she got a “no” she could score another point on her “no game” tally sheet. Either way, Brenda was a winner and began to realize that every “no” would bring her closer to the “yes” she was looking for. The job search became a numbers game and not something personal.

ReFraming Failure

We’re all terrified of failing! We’ve been taught since birth that winning is good, and failing is bad. Well, what makes this true? Consider that the only true failure is not playing the game. By not playing, you continually avoid failure, but you neither loose nor win. The people who constantly fail while playing the game are winners because they are In Action. They are in the Game.

Thomas Edison failed thousands of times but would not give up. He told his friends that because he knew so many ways that did not work, he was closer than anyone else to making a discovery about what would work. Not being afraid to fail, gave Edison the freedom to turn inventing into a game where he focused on finding as many ways as possible what didn’t work. Did he fail 1,999 times and then succeed? On the other hand, was inventing the light bulb simply a 2,000-step process?

Another great story of how being in game can make a difference is the “3M story” and how this company came to create “post-it notes.” They were trying to create a glue that would have incredible sticking power, and instead created something that stuck but could easily be removed. They thought they had failed. Instead of giving up, they decided to put a sample of the product they developed together. Then, they gave it to one of the secretaries to see if there could be anything she could use it for. She loved it, shared it with all the secretaries she worked with, and they ordered cases of what now is one of 3M’s biggest sellers, the post-it notes. By making a game out of what seemed to be a failure, 3M was able to turn something that appeared to be a loss, into a huge gain for the company.

Lightening

When a difficult situation is at hand, a powerful question to ask is: “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Once this is realized, we can then decide what to do from there on. Once we know the worst, we can flow with the situation and create something different; knowing that if the worst does happen we can handle it.

It can be exciting to see how bringing game into a situation can bring such lightness. Creating a game can lift some of the burden and heaviness around any situation and make it seem less stressful. It doesn’t mean, it isn’t important, it just isn’t as heavy.

A great tool I use with clients to bring in the “lightening effect” is the Game of Life Program. This is a game that is set up so my clients can track whether they are bringing in game and thus lightening the situation; or allowing significance to slip in.

It could also provide perspective as to when and with whom the significance seems to be the strongest. Awareness is one of the first steps to Lightening. Using this tool almost always provides awareness. By tracking the situations where significance is playing a big role, we can begin to see a pattern. Once the pattern is discovered, we can take action towards changing that pattern and start to lighten the situation.

I Built a Bridge and Got Over It

I use to have hesitancy about telling people about my coaching, it was actually very significant. Marketing is fun for me, and as a new coach I knew marketing would be about 80 percent of what needs to be done in my first year. It did decrease a little but it will never go away (thank goodness). The truth is, I had to tell people what I do, I wasn’t lucky enough to have them knocking down my door.

But I brought a “lightness” to the situation by asking myself, “Do I have something to offer others.” The answer was a resounding YES! Once I knew I had something to offer, I got out there and let others know I am available.

I’ve stopped trying to sell anyone on the idea of hiring me as their coach; I simply educated them on the concept of coaching. I let people know that something like this is available to them when they’re ready. I have become an ambassador for success coaching.

I created a game around seeing how many people I could let know about coaching. I simply made if my “job” to educate and inform as many people as possible without being attached to any results. Funny, when I “lightened” up light about it, more and more and people became interested and they begin to seek me out to learn more about coaching, and get coached.

Contemplation

Begin a list of the 100 things you can offer in your business, title it “100 Things I offer as a ….” (and fill in what you do)
Make a list of all the people you can contact about your business as an informational presentation (and remember…release any outcome)
Make it a game to see how many info sessions you can give one week.

Action Steps

Select someone in your life you admire for being successful, while still enjoying life and not taking things too seriously. Write down your thoughts in your success journal

Why do people take life seriously?
Ultimately, what are we concerned about?

Talk to people you know who don’t take life too seriously (significantly).
Make a list of five things you are significant about in your life right now.
How can you make these things more enjoyable without losing their importance?
Take three aspects from number 3 and have fun with them.
Put your answers in your success journal or come back here and share them in the comments section below the three things you choose, the game you created for each, and how it made you feel.
Practice lightening this week: Lighten a significant situation you have then share it with three people.
Contact someone who’s been significant and ask permission to ‘coach’ them on it.
List the areas where you already have game in your life, where you are light and free.
Notice drama this week: Where are you being dramatic in your life?

If you’d like some assistance with “lightening” things up please Contac Me

OK…what do you think? I’d like to hear from you in the comments below.

Warrior Mind Coach Recommends

(9/2010) Happiness: A Feeling That I Love (Basil and Spice | Mind & Body)
Goals, Goal Setting and Success – 5 Part Series: Goal Setting, Part II (Doalittlebit.com)
Goals, Goal Setting and Success – 5 Part Series: Actions, Part III (Doalittlebit.com)

Mental Strength # 2 - Excellent Thinking

Mental Strength, Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Develpoment No Responses »

Aug 092010

: Image via Wikipedia

Excellent Results Begins With Excellent Thinking

Purpose of this tip:

To assist you in improving your beliefs regarding the manifestation of money, abundance and personal success – and to remove any limiting beliefs around the wealth creation process.

Getting Started:

We’re going delve into your core beliefs about money, personal success and abundance. This “coaching session” is designed specifically to uncover and clear a huge area of doubt and confusion around money and abundance. It will also help in clearing any limiting mindset, which might be holding you back from achieving your complete person success and peak potential. The intent of this post is to assist you in gaining clarity around money, success and abundance; this clarity will have a direct impact on every other area of your life as well.

It is crucial that you take time to contemplate the questions and then write down the answers. If you haven’t done so yet, you might want to start a journal for these “sessions.”

As I mentioned in my last post – Mental Strength Tip #1 – these “coaching session” are going to take place over the next months. So recording the questions and your answers will help in creating the mental strength required for personal development, personal success and peak performance.

Write these questions in your journal and then contemplate them and write you HONEST answers.

Mental Training Questions to Uncover Beliefs about Money:

What is your philosophy on success and making money?
Is success and making money easy or difficult?
Why do the rich get richer and the poor get poorer?

Possible Limited Beliefs on Abundance and Wealth

(Do any of these sound familiar or similar to your existing thoughts?)

I’ll wreck my personal life I attempt to become wealthy
Rich and successful people are snobs, crooks and connivers.
I don’t care that much about making a lot of money.

Suggested Supportive and Empowering Beliefs on Abundance and Wealth

(These would be beliefs to install and replace any limiting financial beliefs)

Achieving success and making money is fun and easy.
I deserve success, abundance and wealth.
My results are tied directly to my thoughts and to have success, abundance and wealth I think empowering and supportive thoughts about success, abundance and wealth.

Mental Strength Questions

Do you feel you know all about abundance and money? Have you head all this before? Then if you’re so “smart” and “know that” why aren’t you more successful and living the life you TRULY desire?
Who do you listen to about money?
- Financial experts or wealth and abundant people?
- Do they have what you desire?
What is stopping you from becoming financially free? (by honestly answering this question, your limiting beliefs will surface to the top)

Questions to Ponder

Are you really interested in becoming financially free and independent?
What would you need to change in your thinking to achieve more success and create more wealth and abundance?
How would you build a personal success team of mentors to help you become more abundant, successful and wealth?

Coaching Success:

Most people have a low financial net worth. We know the root cause of this is limited and non-supportive thinking and beliefs. The masses will deny they even care about money. The objective here is to get you thinking about personal success, peak performance and how they relate to money and abundance. In addition I want you to look at your beliefs about wealthy people. After all, if you want to be wealthy and you think the wealthy are dishonest, scam artist or any other similar disempowering thought, how will you be able to achieve wealth with these types of thoughts holding you back?

Money is one of the most misunderstood and maligned concepts in history. The beliefs your hold will not change overnight…be patient. This session is to uncover the limiting beliefs and change them with supportive and empowering thoughts and ideas that will turn into beliefs….remember one step at time.

It would probably be well worth it to review this session weekly for awhile then monthly and then quarterly. Each repetition will uncover new thoughts and beliefs.

If you’d like some one-on-one coaching around this subject, please Contact Me.

Let me hear from you, what are your thoughts on money in the comments below.

Warrior Mind Coach Recommends

The Weight Loss Mindset (Nutrition Resolution)
“How Great Is The Strength Of Your Belief?” (sonucares4u)
Metacognition: Thinking About Thinking (Basil and Spice | Mind & Body)

The Power of Coaching

Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Develpoment No Responses »

Aug 042010

: Image by Alaivani via Flickr

Last night was episode 2 of “Breakthrough with Tony Robbins” and although there was one fun and adventurous part (flying in a Russian MIG fighter) the rest was “in your face”…especially when the couple, Ron and Marie, had to experience homelessness in South Central LA!

It’s amazing to see how quickly Tony can discover the “real” issues behind the problems and then decide what process, technique and experience to use to break the pattern.

This is the power of a good coach. It doesn’t matter what type of coach, i.e. NLP Coach, Success Coach, Personal Life Coach or even an Executive Coach, a good coach will always push you to your comfort zone and then beyond.

If you’re experiencing some frustration in an area of your life…you’re most likely at the edge of your comfort zone. Remember….there are two edges, the outer edge and in the inner edge. Last night Ron and Marie experienced both. Their outer edge was the flying the MIG fighter. The inner edge was being homeless.

What their experiences provided was to simultaneously expand their comfort zone outward (they now know how far they can go) and inward (they know how far they won’t go).

When you can experience “What’s the worst that can happen” and then know how far your mental strength will take you….look out

Sure, most of us can’t physically experience “the worst” or push ourselves the edge physically – except at workshops…like The Warrior’s Quest , but we can emotionally experience these situations with a good personal development coach.

Twenty years ago, no one had heard of personal life coach, personal development coach or even an executive coach. But today coaching is featured in newspaper and magazines like The New York Times, Fortune Magazine as well as TV shows like Oprah and CNN.

Unfortunately though, most of us still have not heard of coaching, no less specialties like peak performance coaching, NLP coaching and mental coaching. Thank goodness for individuals like Tony Robbins that brings coaching to the forefront.

The International Coach Federation defines coaching in the following way: “Professional coaches provide an ongoing partnership designed to help clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Coaches help people improve their performances and enhance the quality of their lives.

Coaches are trained to listen, to observe and to customize their approach to individual client needs. They seek to elicit solutions and strategies from the client; they believe the client is naturally creative and resourceful. The coach’s job is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources, and creativity that the client already has.”

Coaching is a comparably new profession. It blends the best concepts from business, NLP, psychology, philosophy, sports and spirituality. Although coaching combines skills from other disciplines, it is a distinct process of supporting others to create an ideal life. Coaches work with clients on a variety of topics: from business and professional issues to personal and spiritual concerns. A coach is an advocate, a sounding board, a cheerleader, an accountability partner, a truth teller and a supporter.

For me, coaching is the process of observation of your existing thinking, behavioral and linguistic patterns, setting specific goals, discerning hidden saboteurs and supporting you in making a plan of action and following it to achieve your desired results. Basically, coaching is to take you from where you are to where you want to go.

It’s that simple, in my peak performance coaching practice I partner with you to:

Clarify and Enlarge YOUR Vision
Discover YOUR Dreams
Establish YOUR Goals
Define or Rearrange YOUR Priorities
Develop YOUR Action Plans
Chart YOUR Course to Personal & Professional Fulfillment
Empower YOU
Encourage YOU to Breakthrough Barriers.
Defeat YOUR Bullies
Achieve YOUR Dreams

Coaching is ALL ABOUT YOUR FULFILLMENT. Through regular coaching sessions I focuses on you, and help you discover your dreams and unlock the greatness inside of you. As a personal life coach I listen, ask powerful questions, help you create new perspective and offer insight.

It’s from these sessions that you’ll develop and discover your dreams and the obstacles between you and the great fulfillment in life as defined by you. I’ll can help you develop a specific action plan, stay on track, create tools for success, encourage and empower you to achieve your dreams and help unlock the greatness in you and achieve your personal success.

Having a personal development coach in your life can speed up the process of obtaining what you want and make the journey of getting it much smoother. Having a coach will support you in becoming clear on what you really want and then getting it!

To discover how a peak performance coach might help you, complete the Discovery Form below (your can download the pdf file here). This will give you a strong base from which to explore if coaching will be useful at this stage of your life.

1) Rate yourself from 1 to 10 in each of the life areas. Ten being perfect, it can’t get any better, one meaning lots of improvement is needed in this area.

Health:
Fitness
Career:
Money:
Family:
Peace of Mind:
Fun:
Spiritual:
Relationship(s):
Fulfillment:
Other: ______________

2) What is one thing you would like to achieve in the next six months that would make the biggest difference in your life?

3) If you could have more of one thing in your life, what would it be?

4) What are the top three things you are tolerating or putting up with in your life?

Toleration 1:
Toleration 2:
Toleration 3:

5) How would your life be different if you no longer had the above tolerations?

6) To increase your enjoyment of life, what are the three key areas for you to focus on for your own personal development?

Area 1:
Area 2:
Area 3:

7) Write down one thing in your life you would like to have but don’t have a clue how to go about getting it.

Assuming all human beings have some way of sabotaging their life, or holding themselves back, what would be your favorite method? (Check your favorite(s), write in any that are missing):

Procrastination
Indecisive
Arrogant/The Need to be Right
Not always telling absolute truth
Acting as the “Lone Ranger”
Tolerating
Not saying “No”
Not saying “Yes”
Controlling life/people
Following secondary* goals (*i.e. goals that won’t ultimately make me happy)
Other:

9) What would be the most valuable thing you would get from working with a coach?

So…how’d you do? Even if you’re not ready for coaching yet, I hope these questions provided some assistance in gaining clarity.

If you’d like to know more about mental strength and how it applies to your personal success and peak performance coaching…please Contact Me.

OK…what did you think? About this post, Episode 2 of “Breakthrough with Tony Robbins” or any experience you’ve had with coaching in the comments below.

Warrior Mind Coach Recommends

The Weight Loss Mindset (Nutrition Resolution)
The Power of Positive Thinking (sonucares4u)
“How Great Is The Strength Of Your Belief?” (sonucares4u)

Truth vs. Fraud Part II

Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Develpoment 2 Responses »

Aug 032010

Today I’d like to finish up from my previous post Truth vs. Fraud Part I. I’d like to again give my heartfelt thanks again to my coaching school, International Coach Academy for their inspiration and support with this subject.

“The greatest enemy of any one of our truths may be the rest of our truths.” — William James

The question of what is true and what is not has been the subject of philosophical debate throughout human history. But on a practical level, we are confronted with this question every day. Truth is more than an abstract notion. Think for a minute about the various levels of Truth. On one level, there is your truth as an individual – your beliefs derived from your life experience. This is the lens through which you will be seeing your world. Your Judgments are shaped by your interpretation of Truth. Our perceptions and beliefs affect the lens through which we see the truth. Take for example, a car accident. When police officers interview witnesses to a car accident, they often get many different accounts of what happened. Although each person witnessed the same accident, their version, or opinion, of what actually happened varies depending on where they stood, or their point of view.

From a social behavioral perspective truth is a set of guidelines that we live by. We all have different truths based on our perceptions. There is also factual data but as we know, the context in which factual data is placed will be guided by our own truths. We often see this when we work with figures and financial records. The context in which we place financial figures will create a particular picture. We could place the exact same figures in another context and derive a whole new ‘truth’ about those figures. So what is true for us may not be the perception for others.

Observing a political campaign is another great opportunity to see how we create our own truths. Each candidate steps forward and outlines their truths. This information is sometimes supported by data but the context is created by the campaigner. We then decide if what we are hearing is true to us or not.

In understanding that all truth is conditional on its context, I’d like explore the role of truth in our interaction with others. Have you ever observed two people interacting and they appear to be conversing, but they are on a totally different wave length and neither can grasp the others point of view? This is because for each person, truth is different. Our perception of truth determines what we hear. Many things are transpiring at the moment of the conversation. Our emotions are involved in this.

Emotions do not come as a result of an observation or experience but rather from the conversation that we are having with ourselves about our perception of the situation. So two people can be having the same experience or observe the same event, as in the car accident above, and yet they come away with very different truths and emotions. The result of the conversation is dependent upon our cognitive interpretations and are often based on our past experiences or beliefs.

So why is knowing the truth so important to us in our interactions with others and with ourselves? It is important first to take responsibility for knowing our truths, knowing the truth about ourselves. Taking this first step empowers us and frees up energy. This is self awareness and part of our own personal development. Being completely aware of the truths around us allows us to grow and develop. Having support people around us can assist us in knowing the truth about ourselves. However if we bring in a mental coach or a friend to support us in knowing the truth about ourselves then we need to have the mental strength and be prepared to manage this. Understanding the truth about who you are is empowering. The truth about who you are can be fearful but this initial fear is minimal in comparison to the fear that disempowerment brings.

Disempowerment brings anger and blame. Knowing the truth about who you are should be a wonderful experience because knowing the truth is the beginning point of your personal development plan. Knowing your truths is knowing your strengths. Building on your mental strengths, as well as all your strengths, is development and growth. This is powerful and will assist you with your personal success.

Disempowerment is watching a plant die before your eyes. Empowerment is watching growth, the leaves opening, the flowers blossoming. It is so beautiful to watch and yet this is you, growing from strength to strength.

If we decide not to live in truth then we choose to be fraudulent. We are either one or the other, truthful or fraudulent. The results of being fraudulent might seem dramatic but being fraudulent is dramatic. First we convince ourselves of something. We change the content of the story and we alter many aspects of the story. This is not done to keep others safe or happy. This is done to keep ourselves happy.

This happiness may be instantaneous but it is very short lived. It is not real happiness. Imagine each story where you change what you know as the truth. We often refer to this as a lie. Imagine each lie. Every time you lie, it sits in a muscle of your body. It is cancerous. You create another lie to cover up the first so that you can keep going with the pretense, the story you are convincing yourself of, and it spreads to the next muscle. You are not doing this for anyone else, this is for you. Each muscle is now a lie. It is tense, it is tight. Your whole body is now completely tense and stressed. This is not happiness.

Sometimes we avoid knowing the truth because of our fear of all the work that lies before us. Do not focus on the end point. Take the first step. The first step can be to simply agree to know the truth. This is awareness, this is change, this is mental strength and very powerful.

Self Application – How to Find the Truth

Asking yourself what is the truth can be a great start to personal empowerment. It may not come to you immediately but if you are committed to knowing then you will find it. Finding the truth about who you are can also be done through meditation. Meditation is when we move into a relaxed mode and connect with our subconscious and unconscious thoughts.

In Wilson‘s book, “Calm for Life”, he talks about the brainwaves that occur when we operate in conscious or subconscious. These brainwaves are different for each state. Overtime we can train ourselves to move between each of these states. This is a real performance enhancing ability that is used by athletes and highly successful people.

When we move into a subconscious state or alpha brainwave, we move into a meditative state. This allows us to get in touch with the power of our subconscious mind. Our intuition is part of this state as well.

Our beliefs and values are part of our subconsciousness. Practicing meditation can support you in moving through each of these brainwave states. Overtime you will be able to move into your subconscious state through meditation and bring information from there to your subconsciousness mind, then to your consciousness. This will allow you to know more about who you are. Ask yourself in a meditative state to find the truth about who you are and the strength to manage this truth.

Three other great methods for connecting with your subconsciousness mind are hypnosis, NLP and Time Empowerment ® – which I’m certified in

We can also engage friends to support us in our quest for the truth. Remember that they have their own truth so be very clear about what you are wanting from them. Reassurance and acknowledgement from a friend can support you at this moment in time.

Living in the Truth

To always live in the truth requires building structures to support you. Don Miguel Ruiz in his book, “The Four Agreements”, has four agreements that he believes we can live by. These agreements support us in living in the truth. The Four agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your word

2. Don‘t take anything personally

3. Don‘t make assumptions

4. Always do your best

Each of these agreements reminds us to check in with who we are. The perceptions and beliefs that we hold may limit our ability to see the whole truth. We may be only seeing one side of the truth or part of the truth. By taking responsibility for our truth then we open ourselves up to receive others. If we are living in truth then we don‘t judge people. If we are living in truth then we accept others for who they are. We do not determine the truth about them. Rather we know that by living our own truth we are more open to receiving others. Living our own truth builds confidence and self esteem. It builds self awareness, it strengthens our focus, it supports the fulfillment of our dreams and goals.

Contemplation

Think about your perception of truth. What are the behaviors that you see of someone living by the truth?
Think about your perception of being a fraud. What are the behaviors that you see as characteristic of being a fraud?
If the truth will set you free, what will fraud do?

Coaching Application

Suspending judgment in my coaching relationships is critical to the success of the coaching sessions. In essence, I must be fully conscious of what I believe to be the truth. Part of being personal development coach is also the ability to hold two or more ‘truths’ at the same time and examine them objectively. With my clients, I support the truth of any given situation by having them check their perceptions and beliefs.

The Truth and my Clients

On another level, there is my truth as a mental strength coach and my responsibility to tell the truth to my clients as I see it. That truth, in the form of objective feedback, is one of the most meaningful gifts I can offer my clients.

At the same time, it can be extremely challenging to do. At times, there are all kinds of reasons why I might hold back from being truthful with my clients: I don‘t want to hurt their feelings, it might not be the best moment, they might get angry, they might not like me or they might resent me.

This ‘withholding’ of the truth though can and will undermine my coaching relationship. If I think what a client is doing is harmful, if I see them heading down the wrong path or one they have been on before, it is up to me to tell them the truth the way I see it. Remember this is not giving my opinion, but rather holding myself as coach accountable.

As a personal development coach I must be willing to challenge my clients about their truths when I see that these truths (held beliefs) are holding them back, this is one way I help develop their mental strength. My clients appreciate this in my role as coach that I am willing to tell them the truth, no matter how uncomfortable that might be.

It is important for me as coaches to remember that, when I offer my clients this objective feedback, what I am sharing with my clients is MY truth, or what I see to be true. It may or may not be THE truth. It is up to my clients to take that truth and do with it as they choose. They may decide to take it and explore it or they may decide to leave it.

This type of straight forward caching will also lead to my client’s breakthroughs and personal success.

Fraud and Self-deception

Demosthenes wrote, “Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.”

We often think of a fraud as an imposter, a person acting like someone he or she is not. The dictionary describes fraudulent behavior as deception practiced for the sake of what is deemed a good purpose. In my coaching, this deception has shown up when my clients are not in alignment with their deepest values. Maybe they are justifying something for what they see as a good reason. Some how along the way they convince themselves that what they are doing is right or what they believe is the truth when it may not be.

In my coaching sessions, fraud and self-deception are easily recognizable when there is justifying, defensiveness and inconsistencies. My client’s can be very creative in the justifications that they use to deceive themselves.

Perception is reality, and reality is our truth. Listen carefully to yourself to discern your perceptions and how your truth is serving you. Truth is a beautiful challenge that asks us questions about our integrity every day of our lives. In my coaching, I become attentive to the moments where integrity slips, when my clients are avoiding the truth.

In the book “Leadership and Self-Deception”, the authors of the Arbinger Institute tell a story about self-betrayal. Self-betrayal leads to perceiving the world in a self-justifying way, which they call ‘in the box; perception. They outline the process of self-betrayal or self deception in the following way:

1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal.

2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal. 3. When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted.

4. So – when I betray myself, I enter the box.

5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.

6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box.

7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box. (p.102)

If you’d like support in coming to their own sense of truth about who you and your truths are, please Contact Me.

Let me hear from you now in the comments below.

(References

Arbinger Institute, (2000), Leadership and Self Deception – getting out of the box, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc. San Francisco, USA.

Ruiz, Don Miguel, (2007), The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, Amber Allen Publishing, San Rafael, California.

Wilson, Paul, (2000), Calm for Life, Penguin Books Australia Ltd, Australia)

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Mental Strength Tip # 1

Mental Strength Coaching No Responses »

Aug 022010

Today and for the next few weeks…maybe months, I’m going to coach you. Sure I’d love to coach you “live.” If you’ve never been coached I’d strongly recommend considering it…takes a look at all the lives people Tony Robbins and other great coaches have changed through coaching…it does work! If you’d like to find out how personal success coaching can help you Contact Me.

But for toady, I’m going to coach you “virtually.”

What I’m going to do is highlight an aspect or characteristic of the top achievers, the ones with outstanding mental strength the ones with abundant personal success.

In observing individuals that have achieved their own peak potential there are similarities in their behavior and attitude. Success leaves clues, and those that have the mental strength to push through obstacles make these clues VERY visible. We only need to stop and look for them.

So, what I’m going to do is do some mental training with you from the perspective of the personal success. Keep in mind that you define your own personal success not me or anyone else.

Ready?

Here we go!

Mental Strength Tip #1

The Mentally Strong Operate from Objective Reality

Objective reality means making sure that a person perceives their skill level as close to reality as possible. Most “weak” thinking and underachiever’s way of thinking is slightly to extremely delusional regarding their skills, work ethic (how much effort they put into their goal), mindset, goals, etc.

This delusion restricts them from taking their results to the next level. This is a serious and critical issue especially as it relates to specific “skill” level. A person who believes they are a top performer (and actually are not) will make excuses; blame others and a situation as they continue to manifest less then optimal results. They’ll remain confused and excuse prone until a mental coach steps in and assists the person into really seeing what their objective reality really is.

The optimum is to have a one-on-one discussion that digs deep into the results the person is actually getting…in fact its critical! Then making inquiries as to the reasons the unsatisfactory results would be next step.

It is important to get all the excuses on the table; this will expose exactly what the person is thinking. If the person doesn’t make excuses and accepts full responsibility, then they have or on the process of developing mental strength and achieving personal success.

Mindset Questions to Uncover Your Beliefs

If you improved your ability, would get better results? If so, buy how much?
What would it take to improve your ability?
Are you confident enough in your ability to improve to sign your name on it?

Mental Weak Thinking and Beliefs about Objective Reality

I’m a top performer (when their results show otherwise)
Optimum and excellent results are more about luck then skill
Optimum and excellent results are pie in the sky and achieved by few

Mental Strength Thinking and Beliefs about Objective reality

My results are the true measure of my level of thinking
I am responsible for my thinking, actions and results
When I become a better performer, I will get better results

Questions of the Heart

Are the results you’d like to get really impossible, or are they just impossible for you?
If you really believe you’re a top performer, how come your results don’t show it?
Are you habits, actions and behaviors congruent with the size and scope of your vision?

Questions to Contemplate

How can you bridge the gap between the results you need to achieve and the results you’re currently getting?
What actions steps can you take in the next 90 days to move you closer to the results you want to you to get?
What benchmarks can you set to indicate you’re on the right track?

Final Thought

The cornerstone of the mental strength coaching process is simple: Identify a person’s core beliefs – What he or she “knows” to be fact – and the coach around shifting the perspective about the beliefs that are holding the person back.

I hope you enjoyed our coaching session and pleas let me know if I can help you bridge your gap to peak performance in the comments below.

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