What is Mental Strength Coaching – Part 2

Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Develpoment, Personal Empowerment, Personal Success No Responses »

Dec 072011

Last week in “What is Mental Strength Coaching – Part 1” we began our discussion on mental strength coaching, what it is and how it differs from other forms of assistance like therapy, mentoring and consulting.

These are basic understanding and differences as defined by several coaching organization, like he International Coaching Federation.

Personally, I like to think that “coaching” is not so easily defined. The intention of going through the differences is give you a basic understanding so you know the type of assistance that is best for you.

When people come out for my Warrior’s Quest, ultimately I have many roles that include guide, teacher, mentor, sponsor, shaman and awakener.

Now that we’ve loosely defined what mental strength coaching is, there are various types of coaching, many fall under the category of “life coaching” since all of it really about a person’s life.

What is the difference between an Executive, Corporate or Business Coach?

The client is the distinguishing feature of the above coaches. Executive coaches work with executives, usually senior executives in medium to larger sized companies.

They tend to be employed by either the executive themselves or the company. Either way they are most often brought in to coach on performance related or life/work/balance issues and they most often take the role of strategic partner to the client.

Corporate coaches also work with executives, usually in medium to larger sized companies. However they tend to be employed more often by the company and coach on company defined goals and targets.

They also take the role of strategic partner to the client. Business coaches can work with small business owners, entrepreneurs and managers of business units in companies. Depending on the client their role could be anything from life/work/balance to specific business building goals (for example, to increase sales by 50%).

Generally speaking corporate, business and executive coaches will have expertise in their area of coaching. Business coaches will have run a small business; executive coaches have often been CEO?s or senior executives themselves.

Although the coaching methodology does not demand this, there are two key reasons why it occurs:

1.) It helps to have an empathy or understanding of where the client is coming from, particularly in relation to culture and language. A corporate coach who has never heard of key performance indicators or doesn’t know the elements of a strategic plan will be more challenged.

2.) The second and main reason is to do with marketing. There is a saying in the coaching profession that all coaching is life coaching after the first 3 sessions. You may have been brought in to double sales, but you will find that very quickly the sessions become about relationships, communication, family/work balance and doubling sales.

So it is possible that a powerful life coach would do a great job at coaching a senior executive. In fact it is probably what he or she needs. But from a marketing perspective CEO?s of companies like to employ people who have come from that culture. Likewise small business owners like to know that their coach understands what it is to run a small business.

Why Companies Hire Coaches

The motivation for companies to hire coaches was revealed in a recent study conducted by corporate coaching firm, Manchester Inc. The study titled “Executive Coaching Yields Return On Investment Of Almost Six Times Its Cost” quantifies the impact of business coaching. The study included 100 executives, mostly from Fortune 1000 companies, who received coaching from Manchester.

Companies that provided coaching through Manchester to their executives realized improvements in productivity, quality, organizational strength, customer service, and shareholder value. They received fewer customer complaints, and were more likely to retain executives who had been coached.

In addition, a company’s investment in providing coaching to its executives realized an average return on investment (ROI) of almost six times the cost of the coaching. Half of the executives in the study held positions of vice president or higher (including division president, general manager, chief executive officer, chief financial officer, chief information officer, partner, principal, and practice leader).

Almost six out of 10 (57%) executives who received coaching were ages 40 to 49, and one-third earned $200,000 or more per year. The coaching programs that executives participated in were a mix of both change-oriented coaching — which is aimed at changing certain behaviors or skills — and growth-oriented coaching — which is aimed at sharpening performance. The coaching programs typically lasted from six months to one year.

Results of the Study

Manchester’s coaching programs delivered an average return on investment of 5.7 times the initial investment in a typical executive coaching assignment — or a return of more than $100,000 according to executives who estimated the monetary value of the results achieved through coaching. Among the benefits to companies that provided coaching to executives were improvements in:

Productivity (reported by 53% of executives)
Quality (48%)
Organizational strength (48%)
Customer service (39%)
Reducing customer complaints (34%)
Retaining executives who received coaching (32%)
Cost reductions (23%)
Bottom-line profitability (22%)
Among the benefits to executives who received coaching were improved:
Working relationships with direct reports (reported by 77% of executives)
Working relationships with immediate supervisors (71%)
Teamwork (67%)
Working relationships with peers (63%)
Job satisfaction (61%)
Conflict reduction (52%)
Organizational commitment (44%)
Working relationships with clients (37%)

Now if coaching can provide there types of results for business and executives, imagine what it will do for you!

Coaching Models

Many coaches work to a particular model of coaching. A model is a system or set of steps that the coach can follow. Different coaching models have been developed over time by various coaches, each coming from a slightly different philosophical basis.

There are vast arrays of books available that outline the benefits of each coaching model, usually written by the coach who founded the method. Below is a list of some well-known coaching models and the name of the author or authors who developed each one.

GROW Model (Landsberg, 1996)
Single-, double-, triple-loop Model (Hargrove)
Co-Active Model (Whitworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl, 1998)
Solution Focussed Therapy/Coaching (O?Hanlon)
CAAACS Model (Auerbach)
Eight Stage Model (Hudson)
Stage of Change Model (Procheska & Norcross)
Systems Perspective (Tobias, 1996)
Systems & Psychodynamic Approach (Kilburg, 1996, 2000)
Iterative Feedback Model (Diedrich, 1996)
Multimodal Therapy Model (Richard, 1999)
REBT (Anderson, 2002; Sherin & Caiger, 2004)
Transformative-developmental model (Laske, 1999)
Constructive-developmental theory approach (Fitzgerald & Berger, 2002)
Action Frame Theory Approach (Cocivera & Cronshaw, 2004)
Existential Approach (Peltier, 2001)
Authentic Happiness Coaching (Seligman)

Most coach training schools train coaches in a specific coaching model. Graduates from these schools will often then go on to use the model that they have learned as part of their marketing brand.

For example, they may refer to themselves as a Co-Active Coach or an Authentic Happiness Coach.

Warrior Mind Coaching is unique in that I don’t subscribe to a specific coaching model, I believe that since people are all different, there is no single model has all of the answers for all coaching situations and that most models have something of value to offer.

I do base all my coaching on TFAR. Thoughts lead to Feelings, Feelings lead to Action and Action brings Results. If you don’t like the results you’re getting start with your thoughts. As I go deeper in my coaching session ultimately we get to the belief level, this is the beginning place for thoughts. This leads to the development of mental strength.

Why Coach?

Mental Strength Coaching is a unique, relative new and exciting field to experience. If you’re feeling stuck, not getting the results you want, feeling lost or simply looking for an “accountability partner” coaching is a great way to move forward.

I realize that not everyone can afford coaching or perhaps are still nervous about the process. This is why I developed Warrior Mind Fundamentals.

Based on the TFAR model, Warrior Mind Fundamentals provides you with the information and tools to take control of your thoughts, hence your life.

Warrior Mind Fundamentals is an online multimedia training program that is available to you 24hours a day. You can stop and star when ever you want and you can even take it over and over again.

To find out more go HERE now.

References

“Executive Coaching Yields Return On Investment Of Almost Six Times Its Cost”, 2001, Business

Wire E-Zine

Homer, The Odyssey, 800 BCE, translated by Samuel Butler

Reflection

How can coaching best assist you?
Do you know exactly what you want in the next year?
Are you feeling like something is missing?
What’s stopping you from live the life you want?

I know that the subject of coaching could go on and on with all the various niches. I wanted to give a broad brush picture of coaching and relate it to some business situations.

If you look at almost any successful person I would estimate that almost 90% have been coached or have a coach right now. So let me ask you, what’s holing you back?

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Keep Learning...

What is Mental Strength Coaching? – Part 1

Mental Strength, Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Develpoment, Personal Performance, Personal Success No Responses »

Nov 302011

At least once in any given week someone, during an Introductory Consultation or a discussion about The Warriors Quest, someone will ask me what exactly mental strength coaching is?

I thought I’d clarify mental strength coaching a bit so that you get a better feel for what it is, what it can do for you and if it’s something you’d like to pursue.

Twenty years ago, no one had heard of life, business, or success coaching. Today it is featured in The New York Times, Fortune Magazine, Oprah and CNN. But still, most of the world has not heard of it.

Demand for coaching is expected to grow and may accelerate. I wonder what will happen when the first major movie featuring Tom Cruise as a life coach hits the street. Corporations are jumping on the bandwagon with Fortune 100 companies creating both external and internal coaching positions.

The International Coach Federation defines coaching in the following way:

“Professional coaches provide an ongoing partnership designed to help clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Coaches help people improve their performances and enhance the quality of their lives.

Coaches are trained to listen, to observe and to customize their approach to individual client needs. They seek to elicit solutions and strategies from the client; they believe the client is naturally creative and resourceful. The coach’s job is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources, and creativity that the client already has.” (ICF website, 2006) Coaching is strongest in the United States, followed by the United Kingdom, Japan, Canada, Australia, Singapore and New Zealand, and is reaching more and more countries all the time.

Mental strength coaching is a comparably new profession. It blends the best concepts from business, psychology, philosophy, NLP, sports and spirituality. Although mental strength coaching combines skills from other disciplines, it is a distinct process of supporting others to create an ideal life by reaching their personal goals and personal success.

As a mental strength coach I work with clients on a variety of topics: from business and professional issues to personal and spiritual concerns. You could sat that I’m an advocate, a sounding board, a cheerleader, an accountability partner, a truth teller and a supporter.

Mental strength coaching involves dialogue between a coach and a client with the aim of helping the client obtain a fulfilling life. This is achieved by helping the client establish what is important to them and by clarifying their values. With the client’s input the coach co-creates value based goals and a plan to achieve them.

Through collaboration, the coach supports the client to achieve these goals. A coach offers many things to the client during the coaching process such as:

Support to discover the answers within him or her self

Clarification of values

Co-creation of a plan for how to achieve what the client really wants

A sounding board for new ideas

Support in making life changing decisions

Challenge to expand their views beyond their perceived limitations

Direction

Acknowledgement

Encouragement

Resource of information

What Mental Strength Coaching is Not

As a relatively new coaching profession, mental strength coaching is a methodology that draws on a range of other more traditional professions including psychology, NLP, Time Empowerment, business consulting, mentoring, management theory and adult learning. However, mental strength coaching is a unique field and there are significant differences between coaching and these fields.

Coaching and Therapy

Mental strength coaching is not therapy, counseling or psychology, in the strict sense of the profession. Although intervention often follows some psychological models such as NLP and behavioral theory, the actual process of coaching should not be mistaken for a therapeutic intervention.

One of the most obvious differences between the two approaches is that therapy tends to focus on feelings and experiences related to past events, whereas coaching is oriented towards goal setting and encourages the client to move forward.

A therapist typically works with a dysfunctional person to get them to become functional. A coach works with a functional person to get them to become exceptional.

Therapists typically work with people who need help to become emotionally healthy. A coach works with people who are already emotionally healthy to move them to magnificent levels.

Mental strength coaching does not rely on past issues for achieving growth, but rather focuses on goals towards the future.

Coaching is action oriented.

The focus is on where the client is right now, where they want to be next, and how to get them there.

If a person is working in the past, then you are involved in therapy. If a person is stuck and can’t seem to move forward or if there is a drug or alcohol problem, then they are more likely doing something other than coaching.

Therapy helps a person back to “zero”, i.e. normal. Mental strength coaching moves a person forward to achieve their personal goals and personal success.

Coaching and Consulting

Coaching is often likened to consulting. However, there are distinct differences between these disciplines.

A consultant is usually a specialist in a given area. They are hired to give recommendations and provide solutions.

A consultant works with a client to solve a particular problem or to address a specific issue. Once the problem is solved or the issue addressed, the consultant leaves.

Generally, a consultant doesn’t get involved with areas outside of their specialty.

Mental strength coaching uses a more holistic approach. With the client, the coach examines the situation, creates a plan of action, and works side by side to resolve the issue. The coach does not have to be an expert in the client’s business, if the coach is familiar, all the more better. And here the client is the expert. The coach collaborates with the client to create a solution using the client’s knowledge and answers.

While people, and companies, will often choose a coach who has previous experience or expertise in the field that they work in, the coaching methodology does not require this.

Consultants however, build their businesses around the knowledge they have gathered over time in the specific field in which they then offer consulting expertise. They are expected to provide advice, information and anecdotes about the field.

The coach, on the other hand, does not have the answers and does not claim to have them. They have the questions that allow the client to find their own answers and clarify their own values.

Coaching and Mentoring

The term “mentoring” originates from Homer’s Odyssey. In the Odyssey, the character Mentor advises, supports and counsels Telemachus, Odysseus’ son as Telemachus prepares to take on the responsibilities of the family in his father’s absence. Mentor also advises Odysseus on how to search for his father. Telemachus thanks him for his help: “Sir, I thank you for your kindness; you might be a father speaking to his own son, and I will not forget one word of what you say…”

The mentor is usually older and more experienced than the person being mentored. The mentor bestows their knowledge and wisdom onto the student. The student looks up to the mentor and seeks guidance and advice from the mentor. There are both formal and informal mentoring relationships.

In a business setting, mentoring is a formal relationship that is established with someone who is an expert in his or her field. Like consulting, mentoring involves passing on the benefit of a set of specific experiences. A mental strength coaching relationship, on the other hand, is a partnership whereby the coach walks side by side with the client. The coach supports the client in drawing on their own wisdom and following their inner guidance.

OK…I hope this helped to clarify what mental strength coaching is and is not. I’ll finish this up next week.

Until then if you’d like to explore mental strength coaching further request your Introductory Consultation HERE.

Or if you’re ready to explore The Warriors Quest further you can download an e-book brochure HERE.

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Keep Learning...

Lightness vs. Seriousness – Part II

Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Empowerment No Responses »

Aug 182010

Image via Wikipedia

I’d like to acknowledge ICA for their help and inspiration with this topic

Have you ever heard of the saying “carrying the weight of the world around on your shoulders?” Imagine this image for a moment, a person with this huge weight on their back, leaning forward as they are weighed down. Maybe every part of their body is weighed down – legs, arms, neck, back, etc.

Can you image what it must be like to have to walk?

Now imagine trying to run free, but this weight is still attached. Imagine if you carried this weight around with you for a day, or a week or a year or several years and you kept adding to it. Overtime it would nearly be impossible to move. You would have to think through everything that you do to make sure you can physically make it. Every minute of everyday would be spent planning out how to get around with this weight on your back.

You would have to think about getting into a car, how far you have to walk, are there any stairs, how will you be able to have a conversation as you can‘t make eye contact as you are so weighed down.

Now let’s just change this image a little. The weight is still there but you can‘t see it. It‘s invisible to the eye but it is still there. You can still feel it. And it still impacts you in the same way. The difference is that you look completely normal, you may be a little stooped but in general you are looking pretty okay.

So you look okay but all your actions and thoughts are still calculated. You can feel that weight and with each decision you work out what you need to do to include it. When people see you they don‘t realize you are carrying a weight. It is only when they notice that everything you do is being calculated and that you are cautiously working things out – things they don‘t understand. They also notice that as a result of you working things out, you don‘t hear much of what they say. You are either working out the future, your next step or thinking about how you got through the past. You also tire easy and you wear a worried look on your face.

Now let’s shoot over to another image. Imagine opening a suitcase. It is old and dusty and slowly as you open it a range of images flash before you. You see your family, your past friends, you see past incidences, you see hard times, you see things that happened to you that hurt you, you see all these images and everything is black. All the images feel dark and painful and scary. You are filled with fear in seeing them all. Your body stiffens; you can feel a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You can feel the pain of all those memories. At this moment in time you can either shut the suitcase and leave all those images inside, gone forever, you can deny having ever seen them, or you can take each image out and carry it around with you.

If you chose to shut the case, you will stop and think for a moment about how you feel and then the sadness will pass as you realize that you have left it all behind. You know it doesn‘t belong to you, it is the past. You see this as a great moment to celebrate where you are now and that you can leave this all behind. The lightness of this release is felt though out your whole body. You stand upright and take a huge breathe.

You feel alive. You feel like you could fly, you feel like you could do anything. You feel like you can dream big and make it happen. You begin to dream and then to plan and slowly your goals come before you. Your energy is so high, you are excited and off and running at top speed. As you run along, people look at you because you are so happy. Slowly they run after you because they can see you have something they want – your happiness and energy is spreading. You are now running along with hundreds of people following you – they see your radiance and your purpose. They try so hard to catch up but you are so fast, nothing stands in your way. This is the world of lightness.

But what if you had chosen the other option, if you had decided to take each of the images with you and to carry them around with you all day to remind you of your past painful moments in life, to remind you of your fears? Each day you are weighed down by these images that you carry that only you can see. Each time you look out into the world you look at the world through these images. You carry the pain everywhere you go. Your whole body feels the pain. Each decision you make is made through the fear of these past images.

You begin to try to plan your life around these fears but all that happens is that you build greater fears. You are not happy, you don‘t laugh, you are alone. No one understands your plight. Your life is a struggle; you are a victim to the past, to the images you carry around with you. They hold onto you so strongly like a vine around your limbs, mind and emotions. Every thought, feeling or movement you have reinforces the images. The images are now your world. Your world is now fearful, black, painful and a struggle. This is the world of significance.

If you chose to deny having ever seen the images then you are living in a world of deception, where the only person you are deceiving is you. You will have exactly the same outcome as the person who carries the images around with them but you will believe that the outcome is someone else‘s doing because you live in denial. Over time, living in denial leads to bitterness and fear and anger. This is the world of seriousness.

Certainly you could now be saying that this is not you. These examples are taken to the extreme for us to see the results. The results are still the same no matter how extreme. In ourselves it is difficult to see the results of what we carry. We can however see the results of what others carry. What you see others carry is what you carry. You identify with it.

Not only do you identify with it but you also attract people who carry around experiences that are tagged in the same way as you. You attract these people because they may comfort you, as you hold the same view of the world. However being with other people who hold this same view only reinforces this view for you. It will never shift you away from this view. Your fearful view of the world will only grow. This world ensures greater seriousness.

Consider This:

What is Seriousness? Here is a Buddhist tale that illustrates what happens when we become overly serious.

A young monk was travelling with an older monk. Along the way, they came to a stream where a beautiful woman was standing, afraid to cross. Without hesitating, the old monk picked her up, carried her over the water and placed her down safely on the other side. The young monk was shocked but said nothing. They walked on until they reached their destination. Finally, the young monk, who was so disturbed by what he had seen, could hold back no longer.

“Why,” he asked angrily, “did you carry that young woman across the stream. We monks have rules – it is forbidden to touch women!”

The elder monk smiled at him and said “I put her a long time ago, but you’re still carrying her around.”

He was carrying his Seriousness – a trunk load of fixed ideas about what is right and wrong, true and false. The young monk‘s seriousness blinded him to the reality of the moment. A woman needed help, and the older monk responded to his own humanity. His Lightness in the moment freed him from judgment and allowed him to act spontaneously.

We become serious when we bring our baggage to a situation. We carry it around, weighing ourselves down with beliefs, notions and learned behaviors. That ?unobserved mind? puts us on auto-pilot and its gravity keeps us from soaring to a higher vantage point. Seriousness shows up most often when we are attached to our outcomes. Ask yourself, when engaging in any exchange, ?What am I attached to here? What baggage am I bringing to this conversation that is weighing me down?

Coming to the Present Without the Baggage is Lightness

To be light is to feel – light like a feather, weightless, free, floating. Imagine a feather floating through the air. It turns and spins and moves throughout the air with such ease and grace. It flickers here and there and it moves in whatever direction the wind blows it. The feather, when in this mode, looks beautiful as it plays with the wind, spinning, rolling and gently floating around. This image we often refer to as a beautiful image, watching the wind and the feather working together, playing in the moment.

The feather is not alone. It is moving with the wind.

Let’s relate this image to how we appear in our everyday life. We all have to work with someone or something at different stages of our day, just like the feather with the wind. However there are times when we become so intense about the direction we are going in or need to go in that we lose the ability to be able to float freely around. We begin to try to control the wind, to determine which way we want it to blow. We all know this is not possible but we still try to achieve it.

Instead put on your dancing shoes, lighten your step and move to the moment

So how do we bring about lightness in our life? The first step is to want to. To do this requires observing where you are serious in your life. Awareness is the first step to change. Identifying that you see the world in a negative way is an important moment.

You can make a choice as to whether you see the world in a positive or negative way. You do not need wealth, or anything else to do this. It is within you to make this shift – not outside of you. We have all observed people who have had the most horrendous things occur to them and yet they are still positive. This is a state of mind – this is a state of being.

Paul Wilson in his book “Calm for Life” believes that being calm is the key to lightness. Wilson describes an activity you can do to achieve calm. He calls this “The Pleasure of Calm.” Here are some steps he takes to achieve the pleasure of calm.

Run a Warm Bath – OK this might resonate more with the ladies, but what the heck guy, give it shot

Add some bath salts or add five drops of lavender and rose oils. Camomile is a wonderful calming oil.
Light a candle, turn off the electric lights.
Take a warm face towel and drape it over your face as you sink down into the tub.
Tell yourself you have all the time in the world. Then listen to the sound of your relaxed breathing as you begin to forget there‘s another world outside.

Being still is very important in achieving inner calm.

Letting Go

There will be times in your day or week when you may feel like you are moving towards seriousness. It is usually more likely to happen when you are tired or feeling a lack of self love and self respect. Take a moment before you move too deeply into seriousness and can‘t see your way out. Stop and ask yourself these questions. They will help you to ascertain what you are needing right now to shift out of this state of mind.

Where in my life do I not feel satisfied right now?
What do I need more of in my life?
What do I need less of?
What do I want right now?
Why or what is causing me to feel resentful?

Contemplation

Think of a situation in which you were caught up in seriousness’s. What ?baggage? did you carry into it that may have weighed you down?

Consider a time when you were able to ?lighten a heavy situation.

Application

In my everyday life, and as coaches, I can empower myself and help my clients to make positive shifts by bringing the perspective of Lightness to what we do. Lightness isn‘t about thoughtless optimism; it‘s no good trying to see that – silver lining in every cloud – when your underlying belief is that it‘s going to rain anyway. Lightness is much more about a mental strength attitude that honors the Game of Life in all of its complexities.

We’re present in the moment, free of judgments that can bind us to old ways of thinking. Treating things with Lightness, even though some things are extremely important to us, can free us up to enjoy more of life and be more effective when facing our everyday challenges.

As a coach, I want to help my clients identify where Seriousness is closing them off from the present moment, where they have choices. Keeping the option of Lightness is like holding a skeleton key that will open any door that is locked. If I can help them see the baggage? they are bringing to an encounter, then they can decide to leave it at the doorway and experience what comes up in the moment with a free mind. If however, I bring my baggage through the door, the only thing that comes up is the baggage.

Creating a Mindful Space

When I notice Seriousness in my clients, I remember that when they can lighten their perspective, when they are above it all, they’ll be able to step back, take some distance and gain greater clarity on the situation.

In her book, “Mindfulness: Choice and Control in Everyday Life”, Ellen J. Langer wrote:

“When we are behaving mindlessly, that is to say, relying on categories drawn in the past, endpoints to development seem fixed. We are then like projectiles moving along a predetermined course. When we are mindful, we see all sorts of choices and generate new endpoints.”

I always consider ways of holding a mindful? space for my clients. To help them gain some distance from the situation by asking questions such as:

What do you need right now?
Stop and take a deep breathe. What are you feeling right now?

Sometimes it helps me to take a big step back when I sense that a client is overwhelmed by a difficult situation by asking, “What is the worst thing that could happen here?” It can help to seriously ponder all worst-case scenarios to arrive at a lighter viewpoint. Once we know the worst, we can flow with the situation and create something different, knowing that if the worst does happen, we can handle it.

If you’d like assistance in this or others personal performance challenges consider Coaching for Success.

OK…let me know your thoughts on this subject in the comments below.

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Warrior Mind Coach Recommends

How to Change your Thinking Habits, your Mindsets, and your Beliefs to change your Life I: Mindsets (Marco Lee)
Integrity (part 1) (CoachBrian)
Devasish.com (sonucares4u)

Keep Learning...

Truth vs. Fraud Part II

Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Develpoment 4 Responses »

Aug 032010

Today I’d like to finish up from my previous post Truth vs. Fraud Part I. I’d like to again give my heartfelt thanks again to my coaching school, International Coach Academy for their inspiration and support with this subject.

“The greatest enemy of any one of our truths may be the rest of our truths.” — William James

The question of what is true and what is not has been the subject of philosophical debate throughout human history. But on a practical level, we are confronted with this question every day. Truth is more than an abstract notion. Think for a minute about the various levels of Truth. On one level, there is your truth as an individual – your beliefs derived from your life experience. This is the lens through which you will be seeing your world. Your Judgments are shaped by your interpretation of Truth. Our perceptions and beliefs affect the lens through which we see the truth. Take for example, a car accident. When police officers interview witnesses to a car accident, they often get many different accounts of what happened. Although each person witnessed the same accident, their version, or opinion, of what actually happened varies depending on where they stood, or their point of view.

From a social behavioral perspective truth is a set of guidelines that we live by. We all have different truths based on our perceptions. There is also factual data but as we know, the context in which factual data is placed will be guided by our own truths. We often see this when we work with figures and financial records. The context in which we place financial figures will create a particular picture. We could place the exact same figures in another context and derive a whole new ‘truth’ about those figures. So what is true for us may not be the perception for others.

Observing a political campaign is another great opportunity to see how we create our own truths. Each candidate steps forward and outlines their truths. This information is sometimes supported by data but the context is created by the campaigner. We then decide if what we are hearing is true to us or not.

In understanding that all truth is conditional on its context, I’d like explore the role of truth in our interaction with others. Have you ever observed two people interacting and they appear to be conversing, but they are on a totally different wave length and neither can grasp the others point of view? This is because for each person, truth is different. Our perception of truth determines what we hear. Many things are transpiring at the moment of the conversation. Our emotions are involved in this.

Emotions do not come as a result of an observation or experience but rather from the conversation that we are having with ourselves about our perception of the situation. So two people can be having the same experience or observe the same event, as in the car accident above, and yet they come away with very different truths and emotions. The result of the conversation is dependent upon our cognitive interpretations and are often based on our past experiences or beliefs.

So why is knowing the truth so important to us in our interactions with others and with ourselves? It is important first to take responsibility for knowing our truths, knowing the truth about ourselves. Taking this first step empowers us and frees up energy. This is self awareness and part of our own personal development. Being completely aware of the truths around us allows us to grow and develop. Having support people around us can assist us in knowing the truth about ourselves. However if we bring in a mental coach or a friend to support us in knowing the truth about ourselves then we need to have the mental strength and be prepared to manage this. Understanding the truth about who you are is empowering. The truth about who you are can be fearful but this initial fear is minimal in comparison to the fear that disempowerment brings.

Disempowerment brings anger and blame. Knowing the truth about who you are should be a wonderful experience because knowing the truth is the beginning point of your personal development plan. Knowing your truths is knowing your strengths. Building on your mental strengths, as well as all your strengths, is development and growth. This is powerful and will assist you with your personal success.

Disempowerment is watching a plant die before your eyes. Empowerment is watching growth, the leaves opening, the flowers blossoming. It is so beautiful to watch and yet this is you, growing from strength to strength.

If we decide not to live in truth then we choose to be fraudulent. We are either one or the other, truthful or fraudulent. The results of being fraudulent might seem dramatic but being fraudulent is dramatic. First we convince ourselves of something. We change the content of the story and we alter many aspects of the story. This is not done to keep others safe or happy. This is done to keep ourselves happy.

This happiness may be instantaneous but it is very short lived. It is not real happiness. Imagine each story where you change what you know as the truth. We often refer to this as a lie. Imagine each lie. Every time you lie, it sits in a muscle of your body. It is cancerous. You create another lie to cover up the first so that you can keep going with the pretense, the story you are convincing yourself of, and it spreads to the next muscle. You are not doing this for anyone else, this is for you. Each muscle is now a lie. It is tense, it is tight. Your whole body is now completely tense and stressed. This is not happiness.

Sometimes we avoid knowing the truth because of our fear of all the work that lies before us. Do not focus on the end point. Take the first step. The first step can be to simply agree to know the truth. This is awareness, this is change, this is mental strength and very powerful.

Self Application – How to Find the Truth

Asking yourself what is the truth can be a great start to personal empowerment. It may not come to you immediately but if you are committed to knowing then you will find it. Finding the truth about who you are can also be done through meditation. Meditation is when we move into a relaxed mode and connect with our subconscious and unconscious thoughts.

In Wilson‘s book, “Calm for Life”, he talks about the brainwaves that occur when we operate in conscious or subconscious. These brainwaves are different for each state. Overtime we can train ourselves to move between each of these states. This is a real performance enhancing ability that is used by athletes and highly successful people.

When we move into a subconscious state or alpha brainwave, we move into a meditative state. This allows us to get in touch with the power of our subconscious mind. Our intuition is part of this state as well.

Our beliefs and values are part of our subconsciousness. Practicing meditation can support you in moving through each of these brainwave states. Overtime you will be able to move into your subconscious state through meditation and bring information from there to your subconsciousness mind, then to your consciousness. This will allow you to know more about who you are. Ask yourself in a meditative state to find the truth about who you are and the strength to manage this truth.

Three other great methods for connecting with your subconsciousness mind are hypnosis, NLP and Time Empowerment ® – which I’m certified in

We can also engage friends to support us in our quest for the truth. Remember that they have their own truth so be very clear about what you are wanting from them. Reassurance and acknowledgement from a friend can support you at this moment in time.

Living in the Truth

To always live in the truth requires building structures to support you. Don Miguel Ruiz in his book, “The Four Agreements”, has four agreements that he believes we can live by. These agreements support us in living in the truth. The Four agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your word

2. Don‘t take anything personally

3. Don‘t make assumptions

4. Always do your best

Each of these agreements reminds us to check in with who we are. The perceptions and beliefs that we hold may limit our ability to see the whole truth. We may be only seeing one side of the truth or part of the truth. By taking responsibility for our truth then we open ourselves up to receive others. If we are living in truth then we don‘t judge people. If we are living in truth then we accept others for who they are. We do not determine the truth about them. Rather we know that by living our own truth we are more open to receiving others. Living our own truth builds confidence and self esteem. It builds self awareness, it strengthens our focus, it supports the fulfillment of our dreams and goals.

Contemplation

Think about your perception of truth. What are the behaviors that you see of someone living by the truth?
Think about your perception of being a fraud. What are the behaviors that you see as characteristic of being a fraud?
If the truth will set you free, what will fraud do?

Coaching Application

Suspending judgment in my coaching relationships is critical to the success of the coaching sessions. In essence, I must be fully conscious of what I believe to be the truth. Part of being personal development coach is also the ability to hold two or more ‘truths’ at the same time and examine them objectively. With my clients, I support the truth of any given situation by having them check their perceptions and beliefs.

The Truth and my Clients

On another level, there is my truth as a mental strength coach and my responsibility to tell the truth to my clients as I see it. That truth, in the form of objective feedback, is one of the most meaningful gifts I can offer my clients.

At the same time, it can be extremely challenging to do. At times, there are all kinds of reasons why I might hold back from being truthful with my clients: I don‘t want to hurt their feelings, it might not be the best moment, they might get angry, they might not like me or they might resent me.

This ‘withholding’ of the truth though can and will undermine my coaching relationship. If I think what a client is doing is harmful, if I see them heading down the wrong path or one they have been on before, it is up to me to tell them the truth the way I see it. Remember this is not giving my opinion, but rather holding myself as coach accountable.

As a personal development coach I must be willing to challenge my clients about their truths when I see that these truths (held beliefs) are holding them back, this is one way I help develop their mental strength. My clients appreciate this in my role as coach that I am willing to tell them the truth, no matter how uncomfortable that might be.

It is important for me as coaches to remember that, when I offer my clients this objective feedback, what I am sharing with my clients is MY truth, or what I see to be true. It may or may not be THE truth. It is up to my clients to take that truth and do with it as they choose. They may decide to take it and explore it or they may decide to leave it.

This type of straight forward caching will also lead to my client’s breakthroughs and personal success.

Fraud and Self-deception

Demosthenes wrote, “Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.”

We often think of a fraud as an imposter, a person acting like someone he or she is not. The dictionary describes fraudulent behavior as deception practiced for the sake of what is deemed a good purpose. In my coaching, this deception has shown up when my clients are not in alignment with their deepest values. Maybe they are justifying something for what they see as a good reason. Some how along the way they convince themselves that what they are doing is right or what they believe is the truth when it may not be.

In my coaching sessions, fraud and self-deception are easily recognizable when there is justifying, defensiveness and inconsistencies. My client’s can be very creative in the justifications that they use to deceive themselves.

Perception is reality, and reality is our truth. Listen carefully to yourself to discern your perceptions and how your truth is serving you. Truth is a beautiful challenge that asks us questions about our integrity every day of our lives. In my coaching, I become attentive to the moments where integrity slips, when my clients are avoiding the truth.

In the book “Leadership and Self-Deception”, the authors of the Arbinger Institute tell a story about self-betrayal. Self-betrayal leads to perceiving the world in a self-justifying way, which they call ‘in the box; perception. They outline the process of self-betrayal or self deception in the following way:

1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal.

2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal. 3. When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted.

4. So – when I betray myself, I enter the box.

5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.

6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box.

7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box. (p.102)

If you’d like support in coming to their own sense of truth about who you and your truths are, please Contact Me.

Let me hear from you now in the comments below.

(References

Arbinger Institute, (2000), Leadership and Self Deception – getting out of the box, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc. San Francisco, USA.

Ruiz, Don Miguel, (2007), The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, Amber Allen Publishing, San Rafael, California.

Wilson, Paul, (2000), Calm for Life, Penguin Books Australia Ltd, Australia)

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Warrior Mind Coach Recommends

Integrity (part 1) (CoachBrian)
The Master Key System…Part 16 (wealthy1)
The Master Key System Part…9 (wealthy1)

Keep Learning...

Respect vs. Invalidation – Part II

Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Develpoment, Personal Empowerment No Responses »

Jul 202010

In Part I of Respect vs. Invalidation we talked about how we treat ourselves and others, techniques for creating respect and personal boundaries.

I’d continue today with this comparison of respect vs. invalidation. Again, I’d like to give my heartfelt thanks again to my coaching school, International Coach Academy (1) for their inspiration and support with this subject.

Do you really love who you are?

What your answer is to this question will depend on whether you have respect. Respect is one of those interesting words that has been used in a range of ways. We begin to understand it when we are children and our parents refer to actions that we have carried out that demonstrate we don‘t or do respect them. It is usually in the negative. Respect is usually used to refer to whether we have respect for someone. It is rarely used to refer to self respect.

We have come to understand that respect is about how we feel about a person. If we respect them then we honor who they. There is a belief that you must respect your parents no matter what. You must respect your elders, you must respect your manager, and you must respect people in authority.

At times we may struggle with showing respect to any one of these people as their actions have not gained our respect, yet we are to ‘pretend’ to respect them out of respect. This kind of message, which we teach to young children, is pretty disturbing. It is filled with mixed messages. On one hand, respect these people even if they don‘t deserve it. On the other hand, what you know as not to be right, ignore that too as their role in life is outside of the rules that you must follow.

These kind of beliefs stick with us.

We have all watched movies where the bad guy is the one that the whole community upholds as perfect and warranting of everyone‘s respect. It is only slowly over time that their actions start to be questioned and finally someone who is ‘brave enough’ speaks out. This person is usually ridiculed and isolated from the community. If the movie follows the theme of good vs. bad as most do, then over time the bad guy will be found out and the good person who spoke out will be acknowledged. As we know in life this can sometimes never happen.

Most of our training, in understanding respect, is built around how we respect others. We will have developed very specific values around respect, all taught to us at a very young age. As we moved through the education system we were taught about respecting our teachers and the system itself. We were taught all about respecting our parents and certain people in the community. Sometime we were even taught who not to respect.

All of the beliefs you were taught about respect were based on the judgment of someone else. If someone respected a particular person or action then they would tell you this is respect.

Respect is a value that can be measured and defined in many different ways. It fundamentally comes down to the type of beliefs a person holds.

A Closer Look at Respect

Respect is being considerate toward somebody, showing consideration for someone, valuing someone, holding someone in high regard or esteem, having admiration for someone or something. You can see with this picture of respect two things or maybe many things.

But let’s look at two things.

The first is that the use of the word respect is related to a person. The second is that every single act of demonstrating respect is subjective and will depend on your values as to how you model it.

Self Application

So check in with yourself. What does your picture of respect look like?

‘Draw’ it now.

In the dictionary, respect is also referred to in relation to someone or something. As part of our earlier training we are taught to look out for signs of respect in others. We learn to gauge respect through our observations. It is like we develop a long list of the actions that demonstrate respect and those that don‘t.

However this long list is built around our judgments of what we have been led to believe is respect. Respectful actions are measured through the eyes of the judge. What ever your judgment, then respect will or will not be given. Respect and judgment are so entwined that you can‘t separate them.

What may be a sign of respect for you may not be for the person closest to you. The judgment we then hold is that our sign of respect is the correct way of measuring it.

Another judgment. And so the judgments continue.

With judgment being part of respect, it means that we need to really understand what judgments we make regarding respect. This is a challenging exercise to do as the two are so entwined. But to really see how we measure respect then it must be done. Observation of how you feel or show respect will greatly help you to understand how you judge and measure respect.

It is now time to think and feel about respect in a whole new way.

Respect is not an outward judgment of someone; respect is an inward feeling about yourself. Respect is how you judge yourself. Respect is about how much you like who you are – inward feelings not outward observations of others. However there is a connection between inward and outward actions. How you respect yourself will be identical to how you respect others. How much self respect you have will match how much respect you have for others.

Inward Respect = Outward Respect

When we judge others, we judge ourselves. What we find respectful in others, we find respectful in ourselves. What we find disrespectful in others we find disrespectful in ourselves. The way you judge yourself and the harshness of it will reflect directly on how harshly you judge respect in others.

Outer Judgment = Inner Judgment

So let’s move into a whole new way of seeing respect. First let go of all negative judgment – it is damaging and harmful to yourself. Now go back to your picture of respect. Above we had words like consideration, esteem, value, and admiration. Describe how you would go about creating a world where you spent time each day creating these feelings within yourself….moments in your day where you felt valued, admired, and considerate, all towards yourself.

Not outward, asking people to consider you or value you or admire you but asking this of yourself. As part of your picture write or draw beside it what activities you can do in your day to bring about a feeling of esteem and consideration for yourself. List as many as you like.

As you go through this process, observe for a moment how you are feeling. You will have shifted away from thinking about how you judge respect in others – a negative energy process, to how to make yourself feel wonderful – a very positive energy process.

This is a very important key to going forward. Each time you feel yourself slipping into judgment then go back to your list of how to make yourself feel valued and admired. Focus on doing something that will fill you with high regard for yourself.

Negatively judging others is a sign of your need to build your self respect.

Discounting and holding negative judgments of others is invalidating yourself.

Remember how you judge others is how you judge yourself. Think about the literal concept of a judge and a jury. They sit weighing up the facts to decide if a person is guilty or innocent, if they have broken a law or not. This is the same way that we judge others and ourselves. We decide if the other person or indeed ourselves is guilty or not.

Invalidation is the process of negating any acts of self respect.

If you have a passport or drivers license or ID card and it expires, it becomes invalid. It is basically worthless. You can cut it up and throw it away. This is something we are very familiar with and have no problems doing.

However we apply this notion sometimes to ourselves or to others. We determine that someone has no use and so we deem them as invalid. Therefore we invalidate them. We understand when its time to throw away and invalid document but why would we do this to ourselves or someone else. We decide that we have no value and so we invalidate ourselves. The greatest gift you have is you. The purpose of life is to be with people. As humans we need to engage and be with other human beings. This is a function of us.

So why would we deem a person as worthless, including ourselves?

The first step to determining if someone else is worthless is to decide we are worthless. If we value ourselves we value others. It really is that simple. To invalidate ourselves is to talk openly of our worthlessness. We use language that devalues ourselves.

The very act of deeming someone invalid is in itself invalidating ourselves. If we see ourselves as worthy then we see everyone as worthy. If we value who we are, we value others.

We invalidate ourselves by the language we use when we talk about ourselves. We invalidate ourselves by the actions we take. We invalidate ourselves by the decisions we make. Others cannot invalidate us. It is our choice as to whether we allow others to invalidate us. If your self respect is low then you may be more vulnerable to accepting an invalidating comment or action.

Building a reserve of self respect is how we live a healthy positive life. Tiredness, stress, and anxiety eat into our reserves of self respect. We need to keep our levels of self respect very, very high. Imagine if everyday you woke up and created an intent for yourself where everything you did was with the aim of building high self regard. Every time you made a decision you considered this intent first. Imagine the result of your decision. Invalidating ourselves is when we don‘t place our need to build our self respect first in a decision making process.

So we can either choose to respect ourselves or invalidate ourselves. It is our choice, no one else‘s. Low self regard is not bought upon us by what others think of us but by what we think of ourselves. Respect is not something to be gained from others it is something to be gained by ourselves. The moment that we recognize that respect is our responsibility is the moment we stop asking people around us to respect us more. Our very actions will show we have a high regard or respect for ourselves.

Invalidating ourselves is when we demand respect from others. We may live in a world of denial and believe that we can earn respect in this way but we are only invalidating ourselves if we do this.

The choice is yours.

Create huge amounts of self respect and then be able to respect others or invalidate yourself and deny yourself of respect and judge others.

Contemplation

What do you respect about yourself?
What are the behaviors you demonstrate when you are not feeling self respect?
Where do you want to build respect for yourself and what is the plan you will create to do this?

Application

Validation is a similar concept to Acknowledgment and is very much related to the present. Sometimes the most valuable thing we can give our clients is confirmation that they are doing the right thing, or at least, are on the right track.

Uncertainty and change can be scary at times. We are conditioned as human beings to believe there is one right choice or course of action to take when there are, in fact, any numbers of positive options.

When I’m validating a client, I’m letting them know I support them in the action they are going to take, as well as in the actions they are currently taking. Support here helps to clear out doubt and disbelief they may haven in themselves. For many of my client I have been the only support person they have. I know the importance of great supports. We’ve all heard over and over the many stories of great people who got to feel great because at some stage on their journey someone believed in them.

I like to work with my clients to help them grow a list of people who can support them. They may have to start at the beginning as they may find that some of the people in their life actually don‘t support them but rather reinforce their invalidation.

As I continue to work with clients, I carefully listen to the language they use. I write down comments they make and then read them back to them. I ask them if they heard themselves say this. I ask then what was their belief about themselves when they said this? I work with my clients to help them paint a picture of what personal respect would look like for them.

It is always a wonderful opportunity when I ask my clients to describe a person they really respect. Then ask them to outline the behaviors of this person so they can see how they model self respect. What we admire in others is what we value for ourselves.

I enjoy exploring with my clients the actions they demonstrate on a daily basis.

I ask them to keep a journal observing how they show themselves self respect on a daily basis.

There are many ways I work with clients on the area of self respect. But none of these will work unless the client wants to have self respect and is able to understand the impact of self respect on their life. The process and pathway for self respect is with self.

So now…let me ask you…

How do you model self respect to others?
What are some questions you could ask yourself if you are uncertain about your self respect?
What are some behaviors that would reinforce self respect and invalidation?

I’d like to hear from you in the comments below.

If you’re interested in coaching around respect or other aspects of yourself, please Contact Me.

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Warrior Mind Coach Recommends

Breakthrough Ideas for 2006 Part II (PamSlim)
Integrity (part 1) (CoachBrian)
Respect (CoachBrian)

Keep Learning...

Respect vs. Invalidation – Part I

Mental Strength, Personal Empowerment, Personal Success 3 Responses »

Jul 132010

“Respecting ourselves enhances our life and in turn, the life of the people we care about.”

I’d like to give my heartfelt thanks again to my coaching school, International Coach Academy for their inspiration and support with this subject.

How Do We Treat Ourselves And Others

This is how Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the word RESPECT: “to consider deserving of high regard; to refrain from interfering with.” Webster also defines the word INVALIDATE as: “to weaken or make valueless.”

We have the choice to respect or invalidate people, objects and events in our life, including ourselves. Consider your experience when others respect you: They probably consider you in high regard, or perhaps they refrain from interfering with you.

Now consider your experience when others invalidate you. They probably weaken you, or perhaps they make you feel valueless.

To respect someone or something is a real gift in life and a powerful way to relate to the world around us. It’s also a very natural way for human beings to relate when they are free and clear.

What gets in the way of freedom …Judgments.

When we discern our judgments we can choose how to respond to someone or a situation. We can decide to either respect or invalidate.

Contemplation

What are some judgments you have that invalidate others and perhaps yourself?
Please post your answer in the ‘comment’ section below.

Techniques for creating respect: Standards.

Standards are levels of behavior we choose for ourselves. They are tools we use to respect ourselves and others. You already have a set of standards. They hold us responsible to behave in a set way towards others. Standards are based on experience, education and reason.

Here are some examples of standards we can practice in our lives:

Be always on time
Be personally organized
Acknowledge, or say “thank you” via notes, telephone calls, or in person
Exercise every day
Drink water every day
Do not gossip
Fulfill business commitments
Fulfill personal commitments
Eat healthy nutritional foods
Practice excellent personal management
Be trustworthy
Practice honesty
Do fun work
Value friends, family and self
Express loyalty to family, friends and clients
Don’t cheat on your partner
Be a parent who listens and loves
Constantly explore new areas to develop spirituality and creativity
Pay bills on time

Consideration and Application

Look into different areas of your life, and list ten standards by which you already hold yourself responsible to behave.
Now write down on a piece of paper three standards you would like to live by. Choose one to put into practice this week. At the end of the week, write your experience next to the standard on the piece of paper

Personal Boundaries

Define your personal boundaries. Let others know exactly what you will and will not tolerate and why. If they know your limits, more likely they will not try to test them.

We have to teach people how to treat us. How they treat us comes from how we respect ourselves. We need to create strong boundaries so that we can communicate to other people clearly.

Either by our actions or words, we let others know what appropriate behavior in our presence is. Some examples of boundaries are: not allowing others to hit us; not allowing others to touch us inappropriately; not allowing others to use abusive or strong language around us; and not allowing racial jokes to be told in front of us.

For personal boundaries to work, we must first be clear on what our limits are and then communicate them clearly to others. Don’t just assume others will know what these are because they won’t. Once you are clear about your limitations, you will have to do less explaining time and again. If you are clear, chances are that people will see it through your behavior and words directly.

The expression, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me,” refers to weak boundaries. If someone does something to you and you don’t like it, it is up to you to communicate this to them. Tell them what it is you don’t like and what they need to do differently. If their behavior doesn’t change, it is up to you to remove yourself from the situation. On the other hand, if a behavior is in some way threatening to you, or harmful to your loved ones, report them to the proper authorities. Get help. You don’t have to allow people to treat you in a way that is unacceptable.

Boundaries are about what others cannot do to you or to your surroundings.

Contemplation

Where in your life do you think you need to strengthen your boundaries?
Please share your thoughts in the ‘comments’ below.

When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life. This may be difficult at first, but overtime, you will notice new people coming into your life who will be willing to treat you well. They will stay within your boundaries and they will also show you a great level of respect.

Note: This subject matter isn’t about others treating you in a way that you are not willing to treat others. Respect mirrors respect. You must be willing to respect other people’s boundaries; as well as be willing to honor them in a way you want others to honor you.

Boundaries are not something to beat others up with until they understand.

They exist to protect one from harm, unpleasant moments and avoid situations that may not be suitable to a person emotionally. They are set up to show respect towards yourself and others.

Take a stand, and if you think you can’t, learn to take one. Get help. If someone is annoying you, stand up for yourself. This way, others will know your boundaries and learn to respect them.

Make a List:

Make a list of your personal boundaries: What are they? Write them on a piece of paper and/or share them in comments section below.

Method to invalidate someone: “Hosing”

When you suggest going to the park, and someone says, “Don’t be stupid, it’s freezing,” you have just been ‘Hosed’ down. When someone says they are going to write a new book, and you say, “Right, just like all the other books you were going to write!” You have pulled out your hose and given them a big splash of opinions! Hosing can be anything negative you say to someone. It is a way in which we invalidate an idea, a thing, a place, ourselves, and people.

Think about the following questions:

What are some examples of ways in which people show respect for themselves? For others? How are these different? What are examples of ways in which people invalidate themselves? How do they invalidate others? How are these different, if any?

Reflection and Application

In the past week, what are three ways in which you have demonstrated respect for yourself?
What about respect for others?
In the past week, describe three ways in which you have invalidated yourself. Pinpoint your underlying judgments in each of these.
In the next three days, recognize three ways you invalidate others, and turn it into respect.
In the following four days, recognize three ways you disrespect yourself, and turn it into respect. (For example, change eating habits from junk food to healthy foods.)
Describe how you did it and how it made you feel at the time.

How a good coach shows respect for their client

For a good coach, it is important to show respect to their clients all the time. This creates a safe environment for the client. It also serves as a model of respect for the client to follow in their own life.

The following are ways in which a good coach can demonstrate respect for their client:

Be ready, review any notes from the last session before the call or session.
Be on time and available at the designated time of the session.
Actively listen to both what is being said and what is not being said.
Stay focused and keep the client on track.
Acknowledge both what did and didn’t get done during the session.
Really listen to what the client is saying (and not saying) and repeat it back if there is any doubt in your mind.
If something unavoidable comes up and you cannot meet the coaching call, initiate the call to change times.
Be actively ready to coach.
Be in the present moment.
Avoid judgment.
Acknowledge the client for what he or she has accomplished, even if it is less than what the client committed to do.
Coach from where the client is at, not from where you are at.
Listen to what they really want to do.
Help the client find their own answers and actions to reach their goals.
Display sensitive honesty.
Make the coaching sessions enjoyable.
Think about clients in between sessions and work out how to best coach them all.
Do care about clients and feel passionate about wanting to see them succeed.
Never tell anyone who you are coaching without their permission.
Listen with love and respect to their commitments, desires and needs.
Assist them in clarifying their goals so that they know what they want.
Acknowledge who they are as a unique individual.
Never make them wrong or judge them in any way.
Listen to and move with the client at their own pace.
Acknowledge challenge as a move into action.
Help clients define success in their own terms.

As a professional coach I am committed to respecting my clients and their current perspective of reality. As a mental strength coach I am committed in challenging my clients to move out of their comfort zone, increase their personal empowerment and create better results that reflect their increase in personal performance.

If you’d like to how I can do this for you, please use the “Contact Me” page, I’m looking forward to hearing from you!