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Most individuals run their lives on autopilot, completely unaware of what they’re doing, especially in regards creating mental strengthlife full of power, purpose, passion and perseverance.

They sit around “unconsciousness” and then wonder why they feel unmotivated, uninspired and not reaching their personal goals and achieving personal success.

When you walk through life unconsciousness and on autopilot you are giving your personal power away.  On a daily basis you unknowingly let others suck your personal power right out of you.

You can think of this people, places and things as physic vampires.  They drain you so that by the end of the day you are so tired you freely give the rest of your energy to TV.

This type of autopilot living is he way to apathy and this then leads to depression.  Depression, because you’ve given your personal power away.

In order to live full of power, purpose, passion and perseverance you MUST exercise your mental strength and take back your personal power back.

How do you do this?

By making the right decisions…every day, hour and minute.

The basic everyday decisions are especially empowering. For example, what you decide to watch on TV.  I now there are many that must watch TV and then there are the mental strength warriors the refuse to watch TV.

So the next time you decide to program yourself with TV ask yourself…

  • Is this taking me forward in life or am I just letting myself slip into a zombie state?
  • Is this program something that will enrich my mind or am I just watching stupid people so I can feel like I am not so stupid?
  • Is this a program that will enrich my family’s life?

I will even go so far is to ask yourself these questions about ANY decision about where your attention goes.

If the chose you’re about to make doesn’t enrich your life then why are you watching them?

Choice brings empowerment, waking you up from an autopilot-zombie state. By the way, a little “vegging” here and there isn’t bad as long as you’re consciousness of it and it doesn’t dominate your life.

Below are some empowering mental strength questions to help you take back your personal power.

If you are serious about asking AND answering these questions, they’ll force you to rethink your decisions and you’ll condition yourself to make wiser choices.

By using the below questions as a mirror, you’ll come face to face with yourself.  You might not like what you see.  You then must develop the mental strength necessary to make better choices, this in turn will empower you and you’ll put you in the frame of mind for feeling so much stronger and more confident.

  1. Will this propel me towards an inspiring future? Or will this keep me stuck in the past?
  1. Will this bring me long-term fulfillment? Or will it bring me short-term gratification?
  1. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
  1. Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?
  1. Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?
  1. Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?
  1. Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?
  1. Is this an act of self-love or an act of self-sabotage?
  1. Is this an act of faith or an act of fear?
  1. Am I choosing from my Divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

By asking yourself these questions AND answering them, you’ll be developing your mental strength and soon get into the positive habit of rethinking the decisions you make.

Your life will automatically improve and soon you’ll be living a life of power, purpose, passion and perseverance.

Remember, wise choices bring self-empowerment.

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Concentration – The Mental strength Skill Of Success – Part 2Mental Strength Personal Power

Each of us has two forces; One that want us to advance towards our personal success and the other wants to keep us where we are, or worse, pull us back. The one that we cultivate and concentrate on determines where we end up.

Both forces are trying to gain control. The ‘Will’ alone decides where we focus and concentrate. A person with one extreme effort and concentration can change their whole career and accomplish miracles. You can be that person!

You can be if you ‘Will’ to be, for ‘Will’ can find a way or make one.

I could easily fill a book, of cases where men plodding along in a matter-of-fact way, were all of a sudden energized, as if awakening from a sleep, and developed the mental strength skill of concentration and became a completely different person.

You can decide when the turning point will come, this is personal power. It’s a matter of choice whether you allow yourself to be programmed and controlled, or to take back control and develop the mental strength to achieve personal success.

Nobody has to do anything they don’t want to do. You are the director of your life if you ‘Will’ it to be. What you do, is the result of your mental training and programming. You are like putty, and can be completely controlled by your ‘Will’ power, or the power of others.

Habits Are Acquired  

You hear people say: “He comes by this or that naturally, a chip off the old block,” meaning that he is only doing what his parents did. This is often the case, but there’s no reason for it…a person can break a habit just the moment he masters the “Will” and concentration.

A person may have been a “good-for-nothing” all his life up to this very minute, but from this time on he can begin to amount to something. Even people well into their prime have suddenly changed and accomplished great personal success.

Some will complain, “It’s too late, I lost my opportunity.” That may be true, but by sheer force of ‘Will” and concentration, they can find a way to attract another opportunities. There is no truth in the saying that opportunity only knocks once.

The fact is opportunity never seeks us; we must seek it.

What usually turns out to be one person’s opportunity was another one’s loss. In this day and age, when one persons mind is matched against another’s, it is often the one with the mental strength that determines the results.

A person can think “I will do it,” but while he procrastinates and thinks about doing it, another person takes action and does it. They both have the same opportunity. The one will complain of his lost chance and the other will talk about their personal success. This should teach the procrastinator a lesson, and it will, if he is seeking the path that leads to personal success.

I’m amazed at how many people will read great books, but then say they didn’t get much out of them. They don’t realize that all that any book or any course can do is to awaken them to their possibilities; to stimulate them to use their ‘Will’…their personal power.

A person can be taught until the cows come home, but they’ll only know what they want to learn. “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”

Looking For The Best

One of the best beneficial practices I know of is looking for the good in everyone and everything, because there is good in all things. When we encourage a person by seeing his good qualities and we also help ourselves by looking for them. We gain their respects…an important asset in achieving personal success.

We get what we give.

I believe that almost all of us need and can use encouragement. I challenge you to develop the mental strength habit of encouraging others; you’ll find very energizing for both you.

Life gives us many opportunities to improve. But what we do with them depends upon what we believe is expected of us.

The first of each month, I suggest you sit down and examine the progress you have made towards your personal goals. If you’re not make progress or getting the results you want, you need to discover the reason.  Then use your mental strength, concentrate and go the extra mile this month.

Every time you fall behind what you planned to do, you also lose time…that time is gone forever. Sure, you may find a reason for falling short, but most excuses are poor substitutes for action. Most things are possible and yours may be a hard job, but the harder the task, the greater the reward.

It’s the difficult things that really develop us, anything that requires only a small amount of effort, utilizes very few of our skills and talents, and usually only produces minimal results. So don’t walk away from challenging tasks, in the accomplishment of them it will help create your mental strength and concentration.

I believe that every person has to be willing to pay the price can be a success. The price is not in money, but in effort.

The first essential quality for success is:

  • The desire to do–to be something
  • The next thing is to learn how to do it
  • The next is to take action

The person that is best prepared to accomplish personal success is the one with mental strength, concentration and knowledge…basically personal power. The person that wants to be successful must be open-minded; they must acquire all the knowledge that they can; they must knowledgeable not only in one are of their business but in every part of it.  This type of personal will achieve personal success.

The secret of personal success is to always improve yourself no matter where you are in life, you can always learn more.

Go For It All

Don’t see how little you can do, but how much you can do. Such a person will always be in demand.  They’ll establish the reputation of being a “go getter”, of someone who accomplishes what they set out to do. There is always room for a person like this because a smart company always leverages a good return on investment.

The person that reaches the top is the gritty, courageous, hard worker. They are never timid, uncertain or slow. A mentally “weak” person is never put in a position of responsibility and power.

The person that is put in a position of responsibility and power has the mental strength to handle the pressures.  Het have done something, achieved results, or been a leader elsewhere.  They are placed in this position because of their reputation of putting massive action, energy and concentration into their efforts, and because they have previously shown that he has guts and determination.

The person that is chosen at a crucial time is normally the “smartest”, that is they don’t possess any more talent than others, but they have learned that results can only be produced by mental strength and an untiring concentrated effort.

Mental Strength School

They know that “miracles,” in business do not just “happen.” They know that the only way they will achieve personal success is by sticking to a plan and seeing it through. That is the only secret of why some succeed and others fail. The successful person gets used to seeing things accomplished and always feels sure of personal success. While the person that fails gets used to seeing failure, expects it and attracts it to him.

In my opinion, with the right kind of mental strength training every person can be a success. It’s too bad that so many men and women, rich in ability and talent, allow themselves to go to waste.

I’m on the process of starting a mental strength “school” for training and creating a warrior mind for success. It’s going to cover the fundamentals of mental strength (similar to the training I have now, take a look HERE) then move on to the intermediate level then to the advanced level and finally finish with a certification

When a person loses their grip today, they must take back control by their ‘Will’, mental strength and concentration. They’ll get little encouragement or advice of an inspiring nature and often they usually “get their act together” on their own.

To become successful we must, right here and right now, conquer our mental weakness. Don’t expect anyone to help you – except for me :-) . Get what tools you need, make firm commitment, and resolve to conquer your mental weaknesses. And really, no one can do this for you. They can encourage you; that is about it…that “doing” is up to you.

Nothing Gets In The Way

I can think of nothing, except a server health issue…and even then, that can be conquered, that should interfere with you becoming successful. There are no handicaps or obstacles that you cannot overcome. To overcome any obstacle or handicap, all that’s necessary is mental strength, concentration, determination and ‘Will.’

The person with the mental strength, courage and ‘Will’, might be poor today and in a few years turn it all around and be wealthy; ‘Will power is a better asset than money; “Will” will carry you over that chasms of failure, but you’ve got to give it a chance.

The person that achieved their personal success usually had to gain their victories against big odds. Think of the trials and tribulations many of our great inventors had to go through before they became a success. Usually they were “misunderstood” by relatives and friends. Often they didn’t have the bare necessities of life, yet, by sheer determination, mental strength and resolute courage, they managed to exist somehow until they perfected their inventions, which afterwards improved their standard of living.

Everyone really wants personal success, but few will put forward the effort required to make the necessary sacrifice to get it. There is only one way to accomplish anything and that is to go ahead and do it.

Anyone can accomplish just about anything today, if they just set their mind and heart on doing it and let nothing interfere with his progress. Obstacles are quickly overcome by the person that sets out to accomplish his heart’s desire…to walk on The Warriors Path…the “stronger” the man, the smaller the obstacle appears.

The “weaker” the man the greater the obstacle appears. Always look at the advantage you gain by overcoming obstacles, and you’ll get the needed courage for your conquest.

Don’t expect that you’ll always have smooth sailing, “Calm waters don’t make a good sailor.” Parts of your journey are will be rough. Don’t let the rough places take you out, stay on you path.

The way you weather the storm shows what you’re made of. Never sit down and complain of the rough places, instead, think of how nice the pleasant stretches were. Look with pleasure at the smooth spots that are in front of you.

Do not let a setback stop you. Think of it as a mere incident that has to be overcome before you can reach your goal.

Until next week….

If you’d like to start to journey on your personal Warriors Quest to live a life of power, purpose, passion and perseverance, find out more HERE.

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Welcome back to another Mental Strength Tip!mental strength for personal success

Achieving personal success and reaching personal goals begins with a mental strength mindset of empowering beliefs.  Reaching your peak potential starts in your mind…and finishes with taking inspired and massive action.

This is one in a series of virtual life coaching tips to help start your week of strong so that you can reach your personal goals and personal success.

I take one subject and run though a brief overview of it, then ask some very direct questions.  The intention of this virtual ‘life coaching’ session is for you to write the questions in your success journal and then reflect on them and write your answers and thoughts in your journal.

These series of posts are for YOU!  If I’m not able to coach you personally one-on-one over the phone or in The 2nd Passage, I want you to at least get the benefit of a “virtual” mental strength coaching session.

Enjoy!

Objective of this Mental Strength Tip:

To help you harness the power of fear and use it as a mental strength tool while never allowing it to determine your thought process.

“The dangers of life are infinite, and among them is safety.” — Goethe

Let’s Get Started:

This virtual life coaching session is to help you realize that the average personal avoids fear, while the mentally strong high achiever may not go and look for fear, but when it shows up they harness the energy in their fear and transform it to propel them forward.  Fear-base consciousness is what keeps people from reaching their peak potential, reaching their personal goals and achieving personal success.

Questions to Uncover Beliefs about Mental Strength Thinking:

  • What role do you believe fear plays in personal success, fulfillment and happiness?
  • Do you believe it’s possible to transcend non-physical fear?
  • What is the best way to overcome fear?

Unsupportive Beliefs about Fear

  • Fear is negative.
  • Experiencing fear should be avoided.
  • Feeling fear is uncomfortable.

Mental Strength Beliefs about Fear

  • Fear is a powerful energy and can be harnessed.
  • Gear protects me.
  • Fear builds my mental strength skills.

Outrageous Questions:

  • Do your results indicate you are a fearless or fearful person?
  • When was the last time you made a decision that was frightening to you?
  • Would the people who really know you say you are more courageous or cautious.

Reflective Questions:

  • What roles does fear play in your life?
  • Does feeling fear support you or hurt you in achieving your personal success?
  • Has fear ever held you back from doing something you wish you would have done?

Mental Strength Coaching:

Fear is the expectancy of pain.  Fear comes from thinking of an unfavorable outcome.  Keep in mind there is a high level of delusion when it comes to fear.  Most people claim they’re operating in an abundant and resourceful state yet their results show a pattern of fearful decision-making.

This virtual mental strength coaching session is to help you understand the power behind fear.  That is, to assist you become aware of your fear, not to criticize you or show your short comings, but to help you move to the next level of personal success.

Most people are so close to their own fearful thinking they can’t see it.

A great exercise is to think of others that have achieved what you want and overcame their fear in the process.

Now, compare their thinking to yours and notices how they utilized fear to help them reach their personal goals and personal success and use them as model to emulate.

Final Thought

Successfully coaching around fear usually means cutting through the personal delusion of a person’s limited thinking.  Average people almost always rate their thinking higher than it actually is, while the mentally strong high achiever often underestimates themselves.

Your results speak for themselves.  When you move to a position of objective reality you can see how fear has continued to hold you back and you can now do something about it.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear” – Mark Twain

If you’d like to get started on developing a rock solid mindset to conquer fear so that you can hit your peak potential, reach your personal goals and achieve real personal success request your Introductory Consultation today!

OK…now it’s your turn!  Let me know how you have conquered fear in our life by sharing your thoughts in the comments below.

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Welcome back!reframing for personal success

I know I jumped around a bit in these last two posts….it’s to keep you on your toes :-)

In Reframing For Personal Power – Part I we looked at how your perspective determines your experience in life, not your circumstances.  And that your understanding of perspective gives you personal power.

We also took a look at some disempowering perspectives.  I hope you have taken time to reflect upon them.

Today we’ll take a look at empowering perspectives and how by taking a more empowering point of view is actually exercising your personal power.

Empowering Perspectives

There is any number of perspectives on a particular situation, but only some which are empowering and allow us to move forward towards our personal goals and personal success.

Below are some alternative perspectives to the disempowering perspectives listed the Part I. Take time to reading each of the disempowering perspectives followed by an alternative empowering perspective below and reflect on how you can start to use these and exercise your personal power.

  1. Most experiences in life have a mixture of good and bad in them and I choose to focus on the good.
  2. Even the worst situations offer opportunities to learn and grow.
  3. Every new situation is a new opportunity.
  4. My past doesn’t have to determine my present or future.
  5. Living in alignment with my values is the most important thing.
  6. Relationships with others flow out of this.
  7. Today is going to be a good day if I choose to make it one.
  8. I have my journey. Other people have theirs.
  9. There are many opportunities in every day for me to shape my future.
  10. I can live with life’s disappointments and not be overwhelmed by them.
  11. I am a unique and magnificent human being.
  12. My life is the most important project I will ever work on.
  13. Most people are good at heart.
  14. I am the only one who can change my mind and my heart.
  15. We are all different and that’s one of the things that make life interesting.
  16. We all make mistakes. It’s how you learn from them that matters.
  17. Virtue is its own reward.

Note that there are many alternative perspectives to those covered in Mckay, Davis and Fannings 15 groups. And I bet you can think of some different ones to those listed here, can’t you?

Perspectives are not all right or all wrong. The important question is whether a perspective works for you or not. Any perspective that supports you to grow and develop and overcome the challenges and reach your personal goals is a good perspective.

Why and How

There is a simple and powerful question that can help someone to reframe an unhelpful perspective. You may be familiar with it from childhood. It is “why?” Often in life we accept particular perspectives as “reality”. People pick up all sorts of limiting beliefs and internalize them as the “truth”. As children we are much less willing to accept other people’s “truths” easily. Have you ever tried telling a three-year old a “truth”? Immediately they will ask “why” and then “why” and then “why” until they finally get to some information that aligns with their sense of the world.

As adults, when we find ourselves accepting a perspective that is unhelpful, we need to remember what it felt like to be a three-year old and ask “why”. When we discern a particular perspective, it can be incredibly illuminating to simply ask “why?”, or even “how does this support me?”

Often you will find that there is no real reason for the limiting perspective, you have simply picked it up on your life journey and never found the time or distance to question it.

Let me give you an example. A coach was coaching a senior manager (Brandon) of a large organization. Brandon asked for coaching to help him with a major challenge that he was working on: finding revenue for the expansion of the customer service area.

This challenge was taking up huge amounts of his time and making him lose sleep due to stress. There appeared to be no easy solution. The coaching conversation went something like this:

Coach: Why do you need to expand the customer service area?

Brandon: Because there’s not enough space to have everyone in.

Coach: Why isn’t there enough space?

Brandon: Because the building was made to house 28 customer service staff and we now have 50.

Coach: Why does the building need to house them?

Brandon: Because they need to work there.

Coach: Why do they need to work there?

Brandon: Because that’s where they work.

At this point, Brandon began to laugh because he realized how silly his answer sounded. Simply by asking Brandon “why?” his coach can help Brandon to discern a perspective he was holding, i.e. that his staff all had to work in the same building.

Once Brandon had discerned this perspective, he was able to see some alternative perspectives that had been hidden to him up until that point, i.e. that much of the work the staff did was computer and internet based and could be done from anywhere.

Rather than coming into the building, staff could avoid commutes and work from home. Simply by asking “why”, his coach was able to help him to discern an unhelpful perspective that was causing her a great deal of difficulty in her work and to re-frame it to come up with solutions.

Now normally I’m not a big fan of “why” and in certain situations is can be very helpful to loosen the view a person has.

Contemplation

  • When have you experienced a change in your perspective?
  • What did it take for you to change your point of view?
  • What would be possible if you became a master at re-framing?
  • What do you think mastering reframing means?
  • How would you do this?
  • What is the difference between perspective and re-framing?

Application

It is possible to discern and reframe perspectives ourselves. However, as an objective observer, a coach is in a unique position to help you identify unhelpful perspectives and to support you to reframe them.

Have you ever been on a holiday, or taken a day out to do something totally different, and found that answers to some of your life’s most challenging problems seem to pop into your head without effort.

Problems that seemed impossible suddenly seem possible. Issues that seemed incredibly complicated suddenly have simple and obvious solutions. It almost feels as if new perspectives float down from the sky. The key factors here are distance and emotional stillness.

A coaching conversation can provide both of these key ingredients to allow your mind to discern perspectives and reframe them, so that new empowering perspectives simply “click” into place.

Re-framing is an art and when done powerfully, it can change a one’s life in an instant. Sometimes it can be as simple as asking to pause for a moment to reflect on what you’ve said, and what perspective it might indicate. Sometimes the perspective that will work the best is radically different to your current disempowering perspective, but sometimes you only need to shift perspective slightly to make a breakthrough.

Sometimes if a client indicates that they are going through a difficult situation, I’ll ask them: “What is your perspective on this that is giving you this result?” Followed by: “How could you look at this differently (reframe this)?” In other words, “Lets look at this in an another light to better understand this situation.”

Here are some powerful questions that can be used to help someone discern and reframe their perspective:

  • “What is the most enjoyable aspect about this?”
  • “If you were feeling resourceful and generous, how might you look at this situation?”
  • “What’s missing here, that once it is included will make this situation flow?”
  • “What do you think is the other persons perspective?”
  • “How does that perspective work for you?”

Play Time

One way to empower a person is through the coaching technique of play, to creatively open one’s mind to consider other possibilities.

In our example of Heather in Part I, removing the significance of falling into the water was enough to shift her perspective. Some questions you could ask to discern perspective by introducing an element of play could be:

  • “How could this situation be fun?”
  • “Lets just assume for a moment that the worst thing that could possibly happen has already happened. What will you do now?”
  • “If you were twenty feet tall and had super powers, what would you think about this situation?”
  • “If you look back in a year, is this problem so significant that you will even remember it?”

Often when people focus hard on a problem, they become stressed about it. If you think of the mind as a pool of water, this stress is like a churn, muddying the waters and making everything less clear. By introducing an element of play and lightness, you can stop, momentarily, the churning up the water.

Once the mind is clear, new perspectives can appear, like small bubbles making their way naturally to the surface.

Extreme Perspective

This is a great strategy for reframing. Describe how you are not the tiniest bit responsible for a situation. How it was all someone else’s fault. Then describe how you are 100 percent responsible. How you have – on some level – caused or attracted everything to occur.

Notice and feel the difference between both extreme points of views.

  • What opportunities open up out of the latter?
  • What alternative perspectives lie in between?
  • Whats the best perspective to hold in order to move forward towards achieving your personal goals?

Listening

One of the best strategies for helping a person discern a particular perspective and to reframe it is one of the simplest: listening.

The simple act of providing a space where a person can be really listened to is often enough for them to explore the perspectives that lie underneath their actions. If a person comes up with a problem, just listen. If they start to explore the perspective that underlies that problem, just listen.

As a coach I believe that my client’s are the expert their lives. By providing a trusting space and really listening, we can free up individuals to explore the many perspectives that inform the way they experience life.

Simply by speaking something aloud, a person can listen to himself themselves. A disempowering perspective will jar. It will feel wrong even as it is coming out of their mouths. Understanding will occur and, with it, the opportunity to reframe the unhelpful perspective.

Supporting my clients to discern perspectives and reframe them is powerful coaching. This process alone will allow clients to grow and achieve their personal goals.

Reflection

  • How will helping a friend change their perspective make a difference in their lives?
  • How would you get your friends to do this?
  • How can you support a friend to discern their own perspectives and then reframe them?

References

McKay, Mathew, Davis, Martha. & Fanning, Patrick. (1981). Thoughts & Feelings, New Harbinger

If you’d like to begin to explore how to reframing can expand your personal power go ahead and ask for an Introductory Consultation today.

Also, the e-book “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior” (also available in a Kindle version) is packed with teachings, questions and exercises to help you engage and develop your personal power.

I’d like to thank ICA for their support and inspiration for this topic.

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This is the continuation and last segment for this topic.  If this is your first visit here you can here is Personal personal empowermentEmpowerment and Responsibility – Part I

In Part I we covered that you can be either on the ‘cause’ side or the ‘effect’ side.  That is, you either have results or excuses, you’re either play the ‘hero’ or you play the ‘victim’, the choice is yours.

We finished up with three options for playing the Blame Game when something goes wrong that does not give us personal empowerment.   We’ll now take a closer look at the options.

We are Bad or Wrong: The first option is so painful for us that our tendency is to look to the other two. This becomes easy to do because most situations involve other people who we could choose to blame. Where we can‘t blame other people, there are always circumstances to blame.

Let me explain how this works in practice. Harvey agreed to meet his adult daughter for dinner. He had not seen her for a long time and their relationship was not strong. Harvey rushed out to meet her into a blinding snowstorm and became stuck in the snow (obviously Harvey didn’t live in Southern California). If Harvey were playing the Blame Game, he could either

Blame Himself: He could feel bad or wrong for being foolish enough to drive into a snowstorm. He could feel guilty for neglecting his daughter lately to the point where he didn‘t feel as though he could cancel their dinner, even as the bad weather closed in. In short he could feel bad and wrong, even guilty.

Blame Others: He could feel angry at his daughter for not having the dinner in a more convenient place or for not cancelling when the weather turned bad. He could even sit and think about all the other things she had done in the past to make their relationship strained. In short, he could blame her!

Blame Circumstances: He could blame the car or blame the weather. How could he have known this would happen? If his relationship with his daughter gets worse it will be because the weather was bad and his car is unreliable.

The problem with all three of these options is that they leave Harvey stuck and disempowered!

Not just stuck in the snow drift but stuck in his poor relationship with his daughter, and stuck in his feelings of powerlessness. The problem with the Blame Game is that it is utterly useless for providing Harvey with a way forward and does not give him personal empowerment.

If Harvey chose responsibility and personal power, however, a range of options would open up. Harvey could decide never to drive out in bad weather again, not because he was bad or wrong for doing so, but because taking responsibility gives him the possibility of a different future.

Harvey could decide on personal empowerment and to take responsibility for the performance of his car so that it performs better in poor conditions. Harvey could also choose to take responsibility for his relationship with his daughter to make sure that he never ends up in the heightened state of anxiety again.

Everyone makes mistakes.

We’re human.

When we make a mistake we need to forgive ourselves for it, so that we can move on and embrace our personal power. Most importantly, we need to forgive ourselves so that we can take responsibility. Taking responsibility for our own actions can be freeing and liberating. It saves our energy because we don‘t have to waste any time making excuses about what we did. By taking responsibility we build character, personal empowerment and self-esteem. We build integrity and clarity.

Language

When we are choosing responsibility we use different language to when we are blaming. This helps us to start even the most difficult conversations. When we take responsibility we use “I” language. We let the other person know how we feel and what we are thinking. We avoid blaming them for how we feel or think.

Letting Go and Moving On

When we are choosing responsibility we let go of anger. There is no need for anger when you have the power to change the situation that you are in. Anger is created when you have no choices, when your path is blocked, and when another person has power over you. If you choose responsibility, then you DO have choices and YOU have power over your own life. There is no need for anger. There is also no TIME for anger, as you have the power now to act!

Contemplation

  • What are three things for which you are taking responsibility in your life?
  • What effect is taking responsibility having in your life?
  • What are some things for which you blame other people or other circumstances? What would it look like if you were to choose responsibility over blame?
  • What are three ways you could have contributed to or caused a given situation in your life?
  • Why do we need to forgive ourselves in order to take responsibility?

Techniques

Accomplice

There are many techniques that we can use to help us (or someone else) to choose responsibility over blame. One way is to see if you can move part of the way. Often people have trouble taking on the perspective that they are 100 percent responsible. However, people can often see how they contributed to a situation, or at least went along with it. So by asking yourself to see how you were an “accomplice” in this matter, you are allowing yourself to take a big step towards becoming responsible.

Extreme Perspective

This is a great technique that allows you to feel the power of responsibility. Do this; describe how you are not the tiniest bit responsible for a situation. How it was all someone else‘s fault. Then describe how you are 100 percent responsible. How you must have “at some level” caused or attracted everything to happen. Now notice the difference between both extreme points of view. Then ask yourself, which of the viewpoints will allow you to move forward towards what you want.

I hope you found this topic of particular interest.  This is by always acting as if your are on the ‘cause’ side you are stepping into your personal power and personal empowerment.

You do make a choice each time…your decision will either give you power or take it away.

References

Goleman, Daniel, Boyatzis, Richard & McKee, Annie, 2002. Primal Leadership. Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence, Harvard Business School Press, U.S.A.

For now if you’d like to begin to explore how to stop participating in the Blame Game go ahead and ask for an Introductory Consultation today.

Also, the e-book “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior” (also available in a Kindle version) is packed with teachings, questions and exercises to help you move to the “cause” side of the equation.

I’d like to thank ICA for their support and inspiration for this topic.

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Perspective is a point of view; a way of looking at or interpreting a particular set of events. We all have reframing for personal powerperspectives about our world and the circumstances we find ourselves in. Are you ready for one of the most important secrets of life? Your perspective determines your experience in life, not your circumstances.  Your understanding of perspective gives you personal power.

One aspect of personal power is knowing that you can you can change your perspective at any time, thus changing your experience. Perspective is a little like wearing glasses. Your glasses are silver and have yellow lenses. Everyday you put your glasses on and see the world with a yellow tint. Overtime you forget that your glasses are tinted yellow and you start to believe that the world, through your eyes, has a yellow glaze to it. The trees are not quite green, more autumn in color; the sky is not quite blue but more greenish. You may even think this is due to an increase in pollution or many other possibilities.

Two years later you go back to your optometrist and get a new pair of glasses. They ask you if you still want a yellow tint and it is now that you realize you had forgotten that they had a yellow tint. In a moment you decide it is time for something different and so you decide not to have any tint. You pick up your glasses and put them on and as you turn around to see the world you are suddenly taken a back by the richness of color everywhere. Green is so green, blue so blue, the world looks vibrant and alive. The sky is really blue.

Your perspective has suddenly changed. The glasses give us a clear understanding of how easy it is to see something in a particular way – your perspective. By exercising your personal power and change the way you see something…reframing your perspective, everything can look vastly different.

Knowing what our perspective is, allows us to have a greater awareness of how we make decisions and how our perspective determines the way that we see things. What we see is based on what we believe. However with new information we can change what we believe.

As an example, Heather was jumping from rock to rock along the shore. She was jumping very timidly, scared of falling into the water and getting wet. Suddenly, she slipped and got soaked. Once again, jumping from rock to rock, she found that since she was already wet, she had nothing to fear. She started taking great leaps and having twice as much fun as before! We could say that Heather’s point of view before getting wet was one of fear: fear of losing her “dry status” and getting wet. But once she got wet, her perspective automatically shifted to “adventure” and “freedom.”

In this example – as it also happens to so many of us – it took an event to shift the perspective. But what if, still dry, she had lightened the situation by realizing that getting wet wasn’t the end of the world, but rather could be fun? She could have shifted her perspective herself without waiting for a particular circumstance to do it for her. The problem with relying on circumstances or events to shift our perspectives is that many circumstances are outside our control.

In the example above, Heather may not have fallen into the water and may have spent the whole day jumping timidly from rock to rock, limiting her behavior and limiting her enjoyment.

We can, however, choose to shift our perspective at any time without waiting for it to be shifted for us. We call this process of shifting perspective “re-framing”. Consider how powerful a person you will be when you can change your perspective by reframing your perspective.

Reframing isn’t about changing your mind. Instead, it is about creating personal power and a shift in consciousness to help see things in a whole new way. This shift requires that you be willing to understand that there is more than one way to look at a given situation.

It’s about opening thought and showing a fuller range of possibilities. It can also be about finding “the silver lining” to a cloud.

“We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.” – Talmud

When we use our personal power to shift perspective we are changing the experience itself and this changes us.

Disempowering Perspectives

Many of our perspectives are helpful and support positive life choices. However, occasionally we feel “stuck” or “unhappy” with a situation in our life and can’t see a way forward.

At times like this, a disempowering perspective, which doesn’t allow us to see the full range of possible options or opportunities, may be standing in our way. This is where looking at the perspective that is creating the situation and then reframing it can be extremely powerful.

Unfortunately, disempowering perspectives are all too common. In fact, they are so common that writers McKay, Davis, and Fanning, have tried to analyze the most common disempowering perspectives by putting them into 15 key groups. See if any seem familiar to you:

  • Filtering: Focusing on the negative details of a situation and filtering out all positive aspects.
  • Polarized Thinking: Seeing a situation as either, good or bad; right or wrong, perfect or a complete failure.
  • Overgeneralization: Making a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence, for example someone disappoints you once, so you can never trust them again. Mind Reading: Making assumptions about what people are feeling, why they are acting as they are, and how they feel about you
  • Catastrophizing: Assuming that the worst possible outcome will happen.
  • Personalization: Thinking that everything people do or say is a reaction to you.
  • Control Fallacy: Thinking that you are responsible for everyone or everything around you or, alternatively, thinking that you are a victim of fate and have no control over anything. Fallacy of Fairness: Being resentful because you believe that everything in life should be fair.
  • Emotional Reasoning: Believing that what you feel is the truth. For example, if you feel stupid, it means that you are stupid. If you feel guilty then you must have done something wrong.
  • Fallacy of Change: Believing that you can’t be happy unless you can change those around you to behave the way you want them to.
  • Global Labeling: Generalizing one or two qualities into the negative global judgment. For example, one doctor is rude to you so all doctors are arrogant and self- important. Blaming: Thinking that someone else causes everything negative in your life.
  • Should’s: You keep a list of rules about the way the world “should” operate and become angry or disappointed if others don’t follow your rules.
  • Being Right: Going to any length to demonstrate your rightness because being wrong is terrible.
  • Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: Feeling bitter when the rewards do not come that you think you deserve after working hard.

When you feel as though you can’t make a breakthrough, or achieve a goal, or solve a challenging problem, it is worth spending some time exploring your perspective on the issue. Sometimes you will find that your perspective on the issue is a disempowering one.

Perhaps you are thinking in one of the ways outlined above, or you have internalized other unhelpful perspectives from your past or from the environment around you. If you can discern the perspective and reframe it, then you can free yourself up to find new solutions and move on.

Next week I’ll pick up with empowering perspectives to give you a chance to contemplate the disempowering list a bit further

References

McKay, Mathew, Davis, Martha. & Fanning, Patrick. (1981). Thoughts & Feelings, New Harbinger

For now if you’d like to begin to explore how to reframing can release your personal power go ahead and ask for an Introductory Consultation today.

Also, the e-book “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior” (also available in a Kindle version) is packed with teachings, questions and exercises to help you engage and develop your personal power.

I’d like to thank ICA for their support and inspiration for this topic.

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