Persistence vs. Consistency for Personal Success

Mental Strength, Personal Empowerment No Responses »

Sep 022010

Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan press on has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” — Calvin Coolidge – 30th president of the United State.

Persistence Defined:

Dictionary.com gives one definition of Persistence as “the continuance of an effect after its cause is removed.”

Most people are not persistent and this definition explains why.

Think about this…you’re 10 pounds overweight (the ‘cause’) and you decide to take up a fitness program (the ‘effect’). In a few months you succeed in losing the weight….you feel good about this and you stop your program.

Then in 6 months your back to being 12 pounds overweight and you do the same thing again and again and again.

Why?

Lack of persistence!

Once the ‘cause’ was eliminated (the excessive pounds) the ‘effect’ stopped (the working out)

If there you had persistence, your exercise program would have continued past the point of losing the weight.

Now let’s look at consistency

Again, dictionary.com defines consistency as “steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc.”

Taking the above exercising example, you were consistent in getting to the gym, but once you lost the weight you were not persistent with the exercise program.

Do you see the big difference in the two? You can, at some level, have consistency but not have persistence. But you can’t have persistence without consistency.

Let’s look at achieving a goal of making $100,000 a year by starting your own business.

You set-up a business plan, a marketing strategy and you start to let the word know about your product or service. You market on a very regular consistent basis and within a year you hit your goal! You’re making $100,000/year!

Then what happens?

Most people will pull back on the marking thinking that momentum will take it from here. This may be true, but only for awhile. Without persistence (continuing the marketing plan after you’ve hit your goal) you’re revenue will drop off.

Just as fear is a prerequisite for courage, mental strength is a prerequisite for perseverance. It takes mental strength to continue PAST to point of success. Simply measuring how long someone sticks with a task until they reach their personal success doesn’t capture the true essence of perseverance.

Persistence and Personal Success

The formula of 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration applies to consistency and it great up to the point of reaching your personal success goal. But this formula needs to be modified to add variable of persistence. I would say that constancy X persistence = personal fulfillment. And personal fulfillment is the achievement of a goal and moving beyond that goal to something great.

This can only be done by combining constancy and persistence.

Since consistency is a prerequisite for persistence lets look at some aspects of consistency.

Consistency and Mental Strength

In general people with a higher level of mental strength will be consistent in tackling a difficult task to the point of success. This seems intuitive. If you believe you are a capable person with a good chance of succeeding at most things, you are less likely to quit.

What seems less intuitive is the following finding: People tend to be consistent longer at solving problems when they are told that what they are doing is difficult as opposed to easy.

Why?

Failing at a task that everyone else finds easy can be humiliating and damaging to mental strength and personal empowerment. In contrast, there is minimal shame when one fails a widely acknowledged difficult task (Starnes & Zinser, 1983; Frankel & Snyder, 1978)

A destructive compromise is self-handicapping. This is a detrimental byproduct for failing to be consistent. Most often the term is used in the context of a failure to be consistent at practice or in preparation for a major task or event. Golf is a great example of this.

Developing Persistence

The following exercises for building mental strength capability of consistency were adapted from a list provided by psychologist Jonathan Haidt at the University of Virginia:

Finish a project ahead of time.
Notice your thoughts about stopping a task, and make a conscious effort to dismiss them. Focus on the task at hand.
Begin using a time management aid of some sort (a palm pilot, a daily planner, etc.). Find a system that works and actually use it.
Set a goal and create a plan for sticking to it.
When you wake up in the morning, make a list of things that you want to get done that day that could be put off until the next day. Make sure to get them done that day.

So now that we’ve briefly gone over consistency how would I describe persistence?

Very easy….”Start Strong and Finish Stronger ™”!

Now it’s your turn….let me know your thoughts in consistency and persistence in the comments below.

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Great Mental Strength Tips From Jon Gordon

Mental Strength, Personal Perfromance No Responses »

Sep 012010

Here are some great mental strength tips from Jon Gordon

9 Ways to Beat Negativity

1. Tell yourself a positive story. Life is a story. The story we tell ourselves and the role we play in that story determines the quality and direction of our life. Successful people are able to overcome adversity by telling themselves a more positive story than the rest. Instead of a drama or a horror movie, they define their life as an inspirational tale. Instead of being the victim, they see themselves as a fighter and over-comer. You may not be able to control the economy, but you can influence the outcome of your story.

2. Model yourself after success. Are there people in your industry succeeding today? Of course there are. Seek out those people in your industry and ask to meet with them. Learn from their advice and model their attitudes and actions. If they can succeed, so can you.

3. Focus on the important stuff. Tune out the negative voices and start making positive choices. What are you doing on a daily basis to grow yourself, your team, and your business? Don’t focus on the negative things other people and the media are saying. Instead, focus on marketing your business, taking care of clients, and building loyal relationships. Every morning ask yourself this question: “What are the three most important things I need to do today that will help me create the success I desire?” Then take action on those items.

4. Replace “have to” with “get to.” This simple word swap can change your mind-set and your approach to work and life. It turns a complaining voice to an appreciative voice, and acknowledges that life is a gift—not an obligation. So often we grudgingly say things like “I have to go to this meeting,” “I have to meet with this client,” or “I have to make a bunch of phone calls.” In reality, it’s not about what we have to do. It’s about what we get to do. Research shows that when we practice gratitude, we get a measurable boost in happiness that energizes us and enhances our health. It’s also physiologically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time.

5. Refuse to participate in the recession. Professionals who’ve thrived during past recessions continued to go about business as usual regardless of market conditions. They worked hard and focused on taking actions to grow their business. As others are paralyzed by fear, take the opportunity to charge forward.

6. Boost your marketing and advertising. It may seem counterintuitive to spend more money on advertising and marketing right now. But with so many of your competitors cutting back in these areas, this is a great opportunity to build your brand and gain market share. People are still buying and selling, and they will buy from those whom they trust and see in the marketplace.

7. Create a positive vision. Instead of being disappointed about where you are, make the decision to be optimistic about where you are going. Create a positive vision for your future and the future of your team. Vision helps you see the road ahead and it gives you something meaningful and valuable to strive towards.

8. Invite others on your bus. Invite colleagues and customers to board your bus for a positive ride. Send them an e-bus ticket at The Energy Bus. Share your vision with team members and ask them to join you in making this vision a reality. Be a positive influence.

9. No more complaining. Abide by the “no complaining” rule. When you realize you’re about to complain, replace your thoughts and words with positive actions. Let your complaints help you identify what you don’t want so that you can focus on what you do want. The key is to turn complaints into solutions.

What strategies do you utilize to deal with negativity? Share your tips in the comments below.

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Action vs. Delay - Part I

Mental Strength Coaching No Responses »

Aug 312010

The power of action is to bring about progress.

“Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it.” – Goethe

Goethe has said it beautifully and in this post we’ll expand on this.

I’d like to thank ICA one more time for their inspiration and assistance with this post.

In order to achieve a goal, we must first conceive the idea, create a plan and know what it is we want. Having the idea is the first step in creating what we want. We then must create a personal plan of action that will make it possible for us to reach the goal. But this is not enough, it doesn’t stop just there. The only thing that will move us forward beyond a strong desire to our personal success is action…and usually massive action

Action is the single thing that will bring about results. We can have a great idea, but ideas without action are worthless. We can have the best and most well thought-out plan in the world, but if we do not take action, the plan is not worth the paper it is written on. Taking action is the only thing that will get us closer to our goals. By taking action, we create the movement that is necessary to make things happen.

You’re probably reading this and thinking, “So what? I know this.”

I think we all know this: Action creates results. The problem is that somehow just knowing it isn’t enough. Knowing that we need to take action and actually taking action are two different things. Most people know what they need to do; it is the not doing that gets in the way.

If we all know that action creates results, then why don’t we take the actions we know we need to take? What happens to many of us is that fear steps in the way and stops us from moving forward. Some of us fear failure, are too disappointed to move on, or fear making mistakes. We may have all the good reasons to fear all of these issues. Our thinking may be along the lines of “when we begin to make changes, we might experience failure and disappointment, and make mistakes.”

If you want to make changes in your life, you will have to face fear and build your mental strength. When we honestly accept this, it makes it a little easier to move forward. When we begin to make changes, we might face disappointment. Do not worry. No one has died of disappointment yet, so expect it but move on. Finally, when we begin to make changes, we might make mistakes along the way. Celebrate the mistakes because it means you are moving forward and get on with it! Once you realize that facing failure, disappointment and making mistakes are all part of bringing about change, you can be prepared to move forward and take action.

Remember, if we want to create something new, we must take action. Having a great idea and a well thought-out plan are not enough. Action is the only thing that will move us forward.

As we act and create change, we will have to deal with fear, disappointment and mistakes. You can also think of these as “results”…they might not be the results you were looking for, but they are results never the less. Think of this as simply a part of the process. Embrace it and move on. Become good at facing your results. Accept disappointment and learn from your mistakes. This is all part of learning the many lessons which life offers.

Contemplation

1. What action do you need to take right now to move your life forward?

Post your answer in the comments below or in your personal success journal.

Why take action?

In action there is life because life is dynamic, active, full of movement and progress.

Motion creates emotion and new circumstances and awareness which allow us to experience life fully.

Without action we may observe and experience life from a passive rather than an active position, in the same way a spectator watches a sporting event from afar. Sometimes, observation and inaction can be very powerful for moments of enlightenment. But if indulged, it can become boring very quickly, and also lead to apathy and stagnation.

Obviously what we all need is synergy in life.

In my coaching practice, sometimes I find that the only thing my client needs is Action. Not strategies, not the right action, not validation, not even results.

Just action…or as Nike says “Just Do It!”

Action get’s them unstuck.

What causes delay?

When delay occurs, it is most likely because we have some kind of belief, judgment or Underlying Automatic Commitment (UAC) that is holding us back. Whether we see it or not, a UAC may be hindering us from taking action. For example, an underlying automatic commitment might be to be unsuccessful, to feel safe, to not become responsible or “blamed” for something; or to avoid “failing” at something from the very start therefore taking no action.

We use these belief structures to hold us back from taking responsibility and from taking action and our personal success. But these beliefs are based on fear and the only way to overcome them is to think clearly through the false reasoning of fear itself. The only way around fear is to move through it.

Techniques for Action

Here are some mental strength methods to help shift from inaction or Delay, to Action.

Goal Setting and Specificity

Sometimes all that is missing is an inspiring goal. Many times when I help paint an exciting future for my clients and they create a future pull and “automatically” move forward. Something I use another technique to help my clients move forward and that is to create a pathway. If my client can see what major steps need to be taken, and where they need to start, it’s much easier to begin – it may even make the goal seem doable or achievable.

I help my client break a goal down into small and manageable pieces. Every goal has sub goals, which are steps that need to be taken in order to reach the final goal. I help my client create a structure with the necessary steps to be taken. Often times, the larger goal may seem overwhelming. But once the goal is broken down into manageable steps, my client can simply follow each step towards the final completion of the goal.

Address Fears

Examine the underlying fears and help my client create an personal empowerment and a new perspective.

I assist my clients to overcome their fears by tackling whatever seems to stay in the way of their progress.

Address Underlying Automatic Commitments (UACs)

Is there a UAC sabotaging the stated goal? Is the client committed to failing?
Avoiding failure?
Success?
Is the client trying to prove their unworthiness?
How about just seeking sympathy?
Or trying to stay “safe” by avoiding something?

Set up Accountability

Set up accountability – particularly using structures – to empower a person or a relationship. By holding someone accountable to an action they promised to take, may be all that is required to keep them in Action.

Create a shift in Perception

I often help my client create a new and different way of looking at a situation. I usually do this by asking a question, pointing out a different point of view, or creating a compelling vision.

Here are a few ideas that I use to support my client in creating a shift in perception:

You could die tomorrow; if you did would you regret not doing this?
What would you do if you had your courageous hat on right now?
You’re scared and living in your comfort zone – and it’s okay to do this. But how many more years would you like to do this for?
Consequences

I also often my clients see the consequences for not taking Action or falling into Stagnation. Yes, there could be a risk in taking action, but what is the risk involved for not taking any action?

Which is worse?

Ask Yourself

1. Which of the above approaches to generate Action most appeal to you, and why?

2. Think of one more approach, and post it in the comments below.

Action vs. Delay.

Some techniques in coaching can be quite “push” oriented. Others such as making the goal more attractive or fun are “pull” oriented. Deep down there may be a reason as to why you’re avoiding a specific action. I make sure that my client’s are truly willing, ready and able to take action. Otherwise, it may be best to put the action aside until they can truly commit to it.

Coaching is about being in action. If something else is happening, then there may be issues that are not being addressed. If my client is not willing to move forward and take action they may not be coachable at this time. I’ll always check in with my client and let them know what you are observing. This insight alone often helps them see what they need to see to be able to move forward.

On the other hand, something’s my client’s past is blocking them from moving forward, then I take out the ‘big guns’ like NLP, hypnosis and Time Empowerment®, and this combination assists them to remove whatever it is that is blocking them from making progress.

Mental Strength Question

This exercise may be somewhat confronting, but prove to be a very enlightening one:

1. Let’s pretend that you’ve been told you are going to die in one year’s time. You’ve been informed that you will be healthy until the time of your death, so nothing will get in the way from doing what you really want to do. Write how you would change your life right now. Are there different actions you would take? More actions perhaps?

2. What actions have you been delaying that you would now do?

Post you answers in the comments below and/or your personal success journal

Remember, action brings results and personal empowerment; it makes us live life to its fullest potential, it elevates our confidence and worthiness, it keeps us active, joyful, hopeful and allows us to help others who are ready to be blessed by our experiences of achievement. Take action, make progress and reach your personal peak potential.

You can find our more about how to take action in the e-book “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior.” If you’d like personal assistance in taking action set-up a Introductory Consultation

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Are You Paying Attention

Guest Post No Responses »

Aug 302010

Are you paying attention?

This is another great guest post from Kasia Rachfall from Fresh Perspective Coaching

Many of us like to accomplish things in our life. For some this may mean traveling to lots of places or writing the next bestselling novel. For some this may mean finishing a marathon or an Ironman. For others it may mean finding joy in a relationship or in one’s work. Whatever accomplishment you want to achieve in your life…make sure you’re paying attention to what’s going on inside and out to know if you’re on the right track or not.

Why would you want to look inside? What does it mean to look inside, anyway? In his book The Holographic Universe, Michael Talbot explores how our beliefs shape our reality. When you believe in something you’re more likely to make it happen – whether it’s healing from a dis-ease or finding a new career.

Beliefs cause us to think a certain way. They cause us to have certain emotions and to behave in certain ways. When our beliefs aren’t congruent with what we want in our lives, they can also cause us to miss opportunities that are standing right in front of us. Sometimes the universe has to literally be sneaky to give us what we want. And even then we may not be aware of what’s going on.

Which is why it’s important to notice what’s going on around outside us too. We may meet people or pick up a random book that gives us exactly what we need to know, and unless we put two and two together, we will completely miss the message.

It’s important to have this awareness and to let go of the limiting beliefs that can create such missed opportunities and stagnation. When we look for ways to think differently and become empowered with tools like NLP that help us easily align our mindset to accomplish all our goals, we achieve those goals in record time.

I have a funny story about this concept that I’d like to share. When I was struggling to build my business I had lots of goals that I wanted to reach. Of course, one of them was a certain level of income. I thought I was doing all the right things and believing and thinking all the right things until I had a huge “aha” one day. I realized that I was afraid of my new career becoming just another j.o.b. that I had left behind because I hadn’t liked the corporate world. I didn’t want to become a robot who traded hours for dollars and was miserable sitting in an office all day long with other miserable employees. No wonder I wasn’t making any money or attracting many clients! By thinking this way I was telling the universe that I didn’t want to work. Now the universe, the wonderful consciousness that it is, was sending me abundance in other ways. For example, in the span of 2 months I won 3 trips that totalled over $20,000 in value! They were spectacular and luxurious trips to neat places and my family and I enjoyed ourselves very much.

So what was my learning? How did I figure this out and finally get my memo from the universe who wanted me to be successful so badly that it had to sneak me money through ballots and contests?

I released the limiting beliefs I had about my new career and life purpose, I aligned my thoughts, attitude, and actions to reflect all the goals I had, and I began to attract the perfect clients and abundance through my work, not through winning contests!

When you look at the areas of your life that are not the way you want them to be, make sure to look inside and outside yourself for the possible misalignments. What do you believe and think about your ability to have that area of your life exactly the way you want? What’s going on in your life that is giving you clues and opportunities to change and create the perfect solution? Then take the necessary action to make it happen. Being, doing, and having the things you want is easy when you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get there.

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Warrior Mind Podcast – Visualization vs. Imagery

Podcast No Responses »

Aug 252010

Sorry all for the delay in writing post. My laptop is still in the shop and I have limited access to another one.

Here’s the latest Warrior Mind Podcast. This week we discuss visualization vs. imagery and the three perspectives of visualization – 1^st person, 2^nd person and 3^rd person.

Enjoy!

Warrior Mind Podcast

Who Ever You Think You Are, You're More Powerful Then That

Also, please let me know what other topics you’d like to hear me cover in the comments below. The info in the podcasts and posts are for your personal development and help you with your mental strength and personal success.

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Mental Strength Being Tested

Mental Strength No Responses »

Aug 212010

This will be a VERY short post…my Dell Laptop died after only 2 years. This time it’s the mother board. Just 3 months after I got the hard drive went.

This is really testing my mental strength…I have to use a public PC and my wife’s (when she let’s me). So for the next couple I’ll post what I can.

Oh yea, heading out this weekend to see a family and friends in the LA area. Perhaps I’ll post about the journey

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Struggle is Good

Mental Strength, Personal Develpoment, Personal Empowerment No Responses »

Aug 202010

If you are sure you are right, don’t worry about what the world thinks.

If you are ever to achieve personal success in your life, you must be willing to stand apart from the crowd. Success is something that is achieved by the minority, not the majority, of people. As you climb the ladder of success you may discover that there are a few who, out of jealousy or envy, will disparage your achievements.

If you have the mental strength and courage of your convictions, nothing can discourage you from your mission. You develop a warrior mindset of confidence in your beliefs by doing your own personal development, mental strength thinking and by constantly testing and revising your knowledge. I suggest looking into W. Clement Stone’s R2A2 Principle to Recognize and Relate, Assimilate and Apply information from any field to help solve your problems and direct your thinking….adapt and continue.

As you adapt and continue you’ll discover something about yourself…you’ll discover your hidden assets.

Here’s what Dr. Napoleon Hill says about using your hidden assets.

“Each of us has locked within us all that is necessary to achieve wealth and greatness. It’s merely a matter of learning to use these hidden assets, of investing them so to speak, so we can cash in on them.

The tragic thing is that so many go through life without ever putting them to use. Sometimes, trouble and adversity is necessary to make people use their resourcefulness and brain power to achieve success.

A bookkeeper lost his job as Christmas was approaching. He had no money to buy his 10-year-old son a gift. Instead of merely despairing, he went to work making the boy a gift.

Using two wheels from a discarded baby carriage, a few pieces of lumber from the basement, and some bright red paint, he constructed a toy that captured the attention of the entire neighborhood.

Other children wanted similar toys. The demand grew so fast that the unemployed bookkeeper turned his basement into a factory, then moved his production to a real industrial plant.

The toy the bookkeeper designed was called the “scooter.”

Or consider the case of a soldier returned from World War I. He had been a salesman before the war but was not unemployed. He used his hidden assets too. He took a chunk of ice cream, stuck a stick in it for a handle, dipped it in chocolate covering—and the Eskimo Pie was born!

Then there was a young man working as a filling station helper in Dallas. The work was hard, hours long, pay short—all adding up to a state of mind I call “constructive discontentment.”

The young man began selling for a publisher of children’s books. But instead of approaching parents, he made friends with school teachers and got their permission to tell the children in class about his books.

Then he would ask the children to arrange an appointment with their parents so he could sell them the books. The plan worked wonderfully and the last time I saw the young man he was preparing to go into the publishing business for himself.

Have you searched carefully for any “hidden” resources you’ve overlooked simply because they weren’t in some form you could bank immediately?

Have you some plan or idea which might prove of great value if you brought it into the open and put it to use?

A very successful man once gave this splendid formula for gaining wealth.

“Get some useful item that will bring repeat sales,” said he. “Then put everything you have into taking it to the millions of people who need it.”

His name was F. W. Woolworth. He didn’t create anything new. He merely took something old and gave it a new method of sales distribution.

The opportunities our country offers today are greater than ever—and growing constantly. Think, for example, of the millions to be made by someone who devises some simple method of reducing traffic accidents.

Somewhere you have unused assets. Put them to work for you and make yourself financially independent.” – Source: Success Unlimited. December 1966, pp. 33-34.

Did you notice that the individuals ‘hidden assets’ where discovered under adversity? This is main principles of developing mental strength, to seek out ‘resistance’ so that you can train your mind (and discover your hidden assets). If life was easy we would never find our hidden assets or build our personal empowerment.

We must have resistance, struggle and adversity in order to grow!

What’s one situation that at first seemed ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ that actually uncovered a hidden asset or helped with your mindset? Let me know in the comments below.

If you’d like some assistance in your own mind training take a look at Coaching for Success

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10 Lessons From Bruce Lee

Mental Strength No Responses »

Aug 192010

The following is from a great post by J.D. Meier of http://expertaccess.cincom.com The entire post can be found HERE

I think J.D. did a great job of picking the best 10 lessons one can learn from Bruce Lee. In the full post J.D. also covers quotes and other philosophies.

TOP TEN LESSONS LEARNED FROM BRUCE LEE

Be YOUR best. It’s not about following in someone else’s footsteps or trying to be somebody you’re not. It’s about unleashing your best version of yourself. According to Bruce, “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”

Absorb what is useful. It’s not about blindly adopting patterns and practices. It’s about taking the best of the best and tailoring it. It’s also about throwing away what doesn’t work. Bruce borrowed concepts and techniques from everybody and every art in a relentless pursuit of the best of the best. According to Bruce, “Absorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your own.”

Keep an open mind. You have to be willing to throw out what you already know and have a curiosity to explore new paths. If your cup is already full, you can’t learn new things. According to Bruce, “First empty your cup.”

Aim past your target. Aim past your target, so when you fall short, you still land in the ballpark of success. Bruce Lee was famous for his one-inch punch, but in reality he was aiming past the one-inch. According to Bruce, “Don’t fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.”

Stay flexible. Be flexible in your approach. Learn from everybody and everything and don’t get locked into a particular style. According to Bruce, “Expose yourself to various conditions and learn.”

Focus on growth. Push past your limits. According to Bruce, “There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.”

Know yourself. Your blind spots and ignorance can be your biggest weakness. According to Bruce, “After all, all knowledge simply means self-knowledge.”

Master your mind and body. It’s not enough just to be smart. It’s not enough just to master your body. Your body and mind support each other. Your body helps turn what you think or dream up into results. According to Bruce, “As you think, so shall you become.”

Apply what you know. Life is not about watching from the sidelines. Use what you know and put knowledge into practice. Test yourself. According to Bruce, “Knowing is not enough, we must do. Willing is not enough, we must apply.”

Make things happen. When there is no wave, make one. According to Bruce, “To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”

I think it really boils down to making the most of what you’ve got, including your mind and body, pushing past your limits and following a path of continuous learning and growth.

OK…what is your favorite lesson from Bruce Lee? Please let me know in the comments below.

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Lightness vs. Seriousness - Part II

Mental Strength Coaching, Personal Empowerment No Responses »

Aug 182010

Image via Wikipedia

I’d like to acknowledge ICA for their help and inspiration with this topic

Have you ever heard of the saying “carrying the weight of the world around on your shoulders?” Imagine this image for a moment, a person with this huge weight on their back, leaning forward as they are weighed down. Maybe every part of their body is weighed down – legs, arms, neck, back, etc.

Can you image what it must be like to have to walk?

Now imagine trying to run free, but this weight is still attached. Imagine if you carried this weight around with you for a day, or a week or a year or several years and you kept adding to it. Overtime it would nearly be impossible to move. You would have to think through everything that you do to make sure you can physically make it. Every minute of everyday would be spent planning out how to get around with this weight on your back.

You would have to think about getting into a car, how far you have to walk, are there any stairs, how will you be able to have a conversation as you can‘t make eye contact as you are so weighed down.

Now let’s just change this image a little. The weight is still there but you can‘t see it. It‘s invisible to the eye but it is still there. You can still feel it. And it still impacts you in the same way. The difference is that you look completely normal, you may be a little stooped but in general you are looking pretty okay.

So you look okay but all your actions and thoughts are still calculated. You can feel that weight and with each decision you work out what you need to do to include it. When people see you they don‘t realize you are carrying a weight. It is only when they notice that everything you do is being calculated and that you are cautiously working things out – things they don‘t understand. They also notice that as a result of you working things out, you don‘t hear much of what they say. You are either working out the future, your next step or thinking about how you got through the past. You also tire easy and you wear a worried look on your face.

Now let’s shoot over to another image. Imagine opening a suitcase. It is old and dusty and slowly as you open it a range of images flash before you. You see your family, your past friends, you see past incidences, you see hard times, you see things that happened to you that hurt you, you see all these images and everything is black. All the images feel dark and painful and scary. You are filled with fear in seeing them all. Your body stiffens; you can feel a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You can feel the pain of all those memories. At this moment in time you can either shut the suitcase and leave all those images inside, gone forever, you can deny having ever seen them, or you can take each image out and carry it around with you.

If you chose to shut the case, you will stop and think for a moment about how you feel and then the sadness will pass as you realize that you have left it all behind. You know it doesn‘t belong to you, it is the past. You see this as a great moment to celebrate where you are now and that you can leave this all behind. The lightness of this release is felt though out your whole body. You stand upright and take a huge breathe.

You feel alive. You feel like you could fly, you feel like you could do anything. You feel like you can dream big and make it happen. You begin to dream and then to plan and slowly your goals come before you. Your energy is so high, you are excited and off and running at top speed. As you run along, people look at you because you are so happy. Slowly they run after you because they can see you have something they want – your happiness and energy is spreading. You are now running along with hundreds of people following you – they see your radiance and your purpose. They try so hard to catch up but you are so fast, nothing stands in your way. This is the world of lightness.

But what if you had chosen the other option, if you had decided to take each of the images with you and to carry them around with you all day to remind you of your past painful moments in life, to remind you of your fears? Each day you are weighed down by these images that you carry that only you can see. Each time you look out into the world you look at the world through these images. You carry the pain everywhere you go. Your whole body feels the pain. Each decision you make is made through the fear of these past images.

You begin to try to plan your life around these fears but all that happens is that you build greater fears. You are not happy, you don‘t laugh, you are alone. No one understands your plight. Your life is a struggle; you are a victim to the past, to the images you carry around with you. They hold onto you so strongly like a vine around your limbs, mind and emotions. Every thought, feeling or movement you have reinforces the images. The images are now your world. Your world is now fearful, black, painful and a struggle. This is the world of significance.

If you chose to deny having ever seen the images then you are living in a world of deception, where the only person you are deceiving is you. You will have exactly the same outcome as the person who carries the images around with them but you will believe that the outcome is someone else‘s doing because you live in denial. Over time, living in denial leads to bitterness and fear and anger. This is the world of seriousness.

Certainly you could now be saying that this is not you. These examples are taken to the extreme for us to see the results. The results are still the same no matter how extreme. In ourselves it is difficult to see the results of what we carry. We can however see the results of what others carry. What you see others carry is what you carry. You identify with it.

Not only do you identify with it but you also attract people who carry around experiences that are tagged in the same way as you. You attract these people because they may comfort you, as you hold the same view of the world. However being with other people who hold this same view only reinforces this view for you. It will never shift you away from this view. Your fearful view of the world will only grow. This world ensures greater seriousness.

Consider This:

What is Seriousness? Here is a Buddhist tale that illustrates what happens when we become overly serious.

A young monk was travelling with an older monk. Along the way, they came to a stream where a beautiful woman was standing, afraid to cross. Without hesitating, the old monk picked her up, carried her over the water and placed her down safely on the other side. The young monk was shocked but said nothing. They walked on until they reached their destination. Finally, the young monk, who was so disturbed by what he had seen, could hold back no longer.

“Why,” he asked angrily, “did you carry that young woman across the stream. We monks have rules – it is forbidden to touch women!”

The elder monk smiled at him and said “I put her a long time ago, but you’re still carrying her around.”

He was carrying his Seriousness – a trunk load of fixed ideas about what is right and wrong, true and false. The young monk‘s seriousness blinded him to the reality of the moment. A woman needed help, and the older monk responded to his own humanity. His Lightness in the moment freed him from judgment and allowed him to act spontaneously.

We become serious when we bring our baggage to a situation. We carry it around, weighing ourselves down with beliefs, notions and learned behaviors. That ?unobserved mind? puts us on auto-pilot and its gravity keeps us from soaring to a higher vantage point. Seriousness shows up most often when we are attached to our outcomes. Ask yourself, when engaging in any exchange, ?What am I attached to here? What baggage am I bringing to this conversation that is weighing me down?

Coming to the Present Without the Baggage is Lightness

To be light is to feel – light like a feather, weightless, free, floating. Imagine a feather floating through the air. It turns and spins and moves throughout the air with such ease and grace. It flickers here and there and it moves in whatever direction the wind blows it. The feather, when in this mode, looks beautiful as it plays with the wind, spinning, rolling and gently floating around. This image we often refer to as a beautiful image, watching the wind and the feather working together, playing in the moment.

The feather is not alone. It is moving with the wind.

Let’s relate this image to how we appear in our everyday life. We all have to work with someone or something at different stages of our day, just like the feather with the wind. However there are times when we become so intense about the direction we are going in or need to go in that we lose the ability to be able to float freely around. We begin to try to control the wind, to determine which way we want it to blow. We all know this is not possible but we still try to achieve it.

Instead put on your dancing shoes, lighten your step and move to the moment

So how do we bring about lightness in our life? The first step is to want to. To do this requires observing where you are serious in your life. Awareness is the first step to change. Identifying that you see the world in a negative way is an important moment.

You can make a choice as to whether you see the world in a positive or negative way. You do not need wealth, or anything else to do this. It is within you to make this shift – not outside of you. We have all observed people who have had the most horrendous things occur to them and yet they are still positive. This is a state of mind – this is a state of being.

Paul Wilson in his book “Calm for Life” believes that being calm is the key to lightness. Wilson describes an activity you can do to achieve calm. He calls this “The Pleasure of Calm.” Here are some steps he takes to achieve the pleasure of calm.

Run a Warm Bath – OK this might resonate more with the ladies, but what the heck guy, give it shot

Add some bath salts or add five drops of lavender and rose oils. Camomile is a wonderful calming oil.
Light a candle, turn off the electric lights.
Take a warm face towel and drape it over your face as you sink down into the tub.
Tell yourself you have all the time in the world. Then listen to the sound of your relaxed breathing as you begin to forget there‘s another world outside.

Being still is very important in achieving inner calm.

Letting Go

There will be times in your day or week when you may feel like you are moving towards seriousness. It is usually more likely to happen when you are tired or feeling a lack of self love and self respect. Take a moment before you move too deeply into seriousness and can‘t see your way out. Stop and ask yourself these questions. They will help you to ascertain what you are needing right now to shift out of this state of mind.

Where in my life do I not feel satisfied right now?
What do I need more of in my life?
What do I need less of?
What do I want right now?
Why or what is causing me to feel resentful?

Contemplation

Think of a situation in which you were caught up in seriousness’s. What ?baggage? did you carry into it that may have weighed you down?

Consider a time when you were able to ?lighten a heavy situation.

Application

In my everyday life, and as coaches, I can empower myself and help my clients to make positive shifts by bringing the perspective of Lightness to what we do. Lightness isn‘t about thoughtless optimism; it‘s no good trying to see that – silver lining in every cloud – when your underlying belief is that it‘s going to rain anyway. Lightness is much more about a mental strength attitude that honors the Game of Life in all of its complexities.

We’re present in the moment, free of judgments that can bind us to old ways of thinking. Treating things with Lightness, even though some things are extremely important to us, can free us up to enjoy more of life and be more effective when facing our everyday challenges.

As a coach, I want to help my clients identify where Seriousness is closing them off from the present moment, where they have choices. Keeping the option of Lightness is like holding a skeleton key that will open any door that is locked. If I can help them see the baggage? they are bringing to an encounter, then they can decide to leave it at the doorway and experience what comes up in the moment with a free mind. If however, I bring my baggage through the door, the only thing that comes up is the baggage.

Creating a Mindful Space

When I notice Seriousness in my clients, I remember that when they can lighten their perspective, when they are above it all, they’ll be able to step back, take some distance and gain greater clarity on the situation.

In her book, “Mindfulness: Choice and Control in Everyday Life”, Ellen J. Langer wrote:

“When we are behaving mindlessly, that is to say, relying on categories drawn in the past, endpoints to development seem fixed. We are then like projectiles moving along a predetermined course. When we are mindful, we see all sorts of choices and generate new endpoints.”

I always consider ways of holding a mindful? space for my clients. To help them gain some distance from the situation by asking questions such as:

What do you need right now?
Stop and take a deep breathe. What are you feeling right now?

Sometimes it helps me to take a big step back when I sense that a client is overwhelmed by a difficult situation by asking, “What is the worst thing that could happen here?” It can help to seriously ponder all worst-case scenarios to arrive at a lighter viewpoint. Once we know the worst, we can flow with the situation and create something different, knowing that if the worst does happen, we can handle it.

If you’d like assistance in this or others personal performance challenges consider Coaching for Success.

OK…let me know your thoughts on this subject in the comments below.

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Tony Robbins Off The Air!

Personal Develpoment, Personal Empowerment No Responses »

Aug 172010

My computer is acting VERY funny today and I’ll need to run some diagnostics on it. So, I don’t have much time to write a lengthy post.

I do want to share this episode of Breakthroughs with Tony Robbins with you.

Not too sure if NBC has stopped airing the episodes all together and making them available via the Internet. If so, this would be a very sad testament about our society when a great show like this will be taken off the air and another “Real House Wife’s” series is put on the air.

Oh yea, in case you’re interested all the episodes of Breakthroughs can be seen here:

http://www.nbc.com/breakthrough-with-tony-robbins/

Anyway, hope I’m back up soon and I’d really like hear your thoughts about Tony Robbins show in the comments below