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Don’t Focus On The Negative To Elimniate It

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I firmly believe that the way to more health, wealth, and happiness is to focus on health, wealth, and happiness. This may sound simplistic, negativebut many people try to obtain health, wealth, and happiness only by trying to eliminate disease, poverty, and unhappiness.

But the lack of disease is not necessarily health, the lack of poverty is not necessarily wealth, and the lack of unhappiness is not necessarily happiness. Sometimes we successfully eliminate a negative and discover we still don’t have what we want. “After all that work!” we sigh. And, discouraged, sometimes we return to the negative.

Eliminating The Negative

Another problem with trying to get rid of something negative is that we must pay attention to the negative we’re trying to eliminate. This attention gives it more energy – our energy – and sometimes makes the negativity seem too great to overcome.

Doing nothing besides eliminating negatives to get what you really want can be the long way `round. If there were one hundred objects on a table, and I wanted you to pick up object 27, I could tell you, as you randomly selected items, “No, don’t pick up object 34.

No, don’t pick up object 29. No, don’t pick up object 63.”

Eventually, you would get to object 27, and I wouldn’t say anything. You might, however, after twenty or thirty “Don’ts,” give up. I could hardly blame you. It would have been much easier if I had simply said, “Pick up object 27.”

That’s why I asked you in a previous post to make a list of the things you want in life (your Top-Ten List). Going directly for what you want is a much easier and more effective way of getting what you want than eliminating what you don’t want.

You may, however, find “negative” parts of your life opposing your goal – these must be sacrificed in order to get what you want. If you want happiness, for example, you must sacrifice unhappiness. Some of these opposites may be easy to give up; others may have become bad habits.

When eliminating the bad habits, always keep in mind why you are eliminating them.

Focus on your goal. Rather than saying, “I want to give up negative thinking,” tell yourself, “I want to enjoy all the positive things in my life.” Rather than, “I want to get rid of this illness,” say, “I want vibrant, radiant health.”

Breaking bad habits can be difficult, but it’s easier if you remember that what you’re adding to your life (the goal) is more valuable than what you’re eliminating (the habit).

In releasing yourself from the bondage of bad habits, don’t try to eliminate all of them at once. That’s just inviting failure. Take them one or two at a time, starting with the ones that will be easier for you to change. When these are under control, take on a few others that may be a bit more challenging.

Build on the strength of each victory.

Separate “Noticing the Negative” from “Negative Thinking”

We’re not responsible for every thought that wanders through our brain, only the ones we hold there. The thought, “What an inconsiderate person,” may float through our mind and probably do little harm. It’s when we add to that thought (“And furthermore . . . “) that we get into trouble.

Maybe the person was being inconsiderate. That might be an accurate observation. We start the cycle of negative thinking when we add “and I don’t like that” to what we observe.

It’s important to keep this distinction in mind when breaking the habit of negative thinking. Merely noticing that something is a certain way, and that that way might fall on the negative side of life, is not a “negative thought.”

To notice a houseplant is withering is an observation, and not a positive one. From that observation, we have options.

One, the negative-thinking route: “Oh, the plant is dying. How many times have I told so and-so to water the plants? Plants always die on me. I must have some plant-killing energy.”

Two, the positive-action route: “I’d better water the plant. Apparently I’m not doing enough to impress upon so-and-so the importance of watering the plant; I’ll write a note now. Plants don’t seem to do well in that location. Maybe I should get a hardier plant.”

Every time we see something and think it might be better another way, we are not necessarily having negative thoughts. We get into trouble when we get negative and demand that things and people be different than they are.

If you’re not willing to invest the time, activity, and money in making something the way you want it (assuming it’s even possible), then you might as well accept it. Acceptance takes less than a second, consumes almost no energy, and costs absolutely nothing.

We live in a negative-feedback world. Often, the signal that tells us something needs attention is a negative one. Noticing these signals is not negative thinking.

Doing something corrective about them is positive action.

Getting upset about them is negative thinking.

The latter is what I’m suggesting you keep to a minimum.

OK…that’s it for this now. If you’d like some coaching around grieving and releasing request your Introductory Consultation today.

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Fear 101 – A Basic Understanding Of This Emotion

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There are some things it’s good to have a healthy fear of – drinking poisons, leaping off tall buildings, and sex with gorillas – situations in fearwhich our physical body is in imminent danger of annihilation, dismemberment, mutilation, or extinction.

“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” – Bertrand Russell

All other fears – the ones we face most often every day – are illusions. They should be given no more credence or authority over our actions than television commercials, election-year promises, or people who try to sell us flowers in airports.

These types of fear are simply the anticipation of pain…not the key word…anticipation. This means you are projecting into the future…more on this in up coming issues.

Most people approach a fearful situation as though fear were some sort of wall. Let’s say the situation is walking up to someone we do not know and saying, “Hello.”

As we think about approaching the stranger, the wall begins to form. As we imagine what the person may say in response, the wall grows denser. (The other person’s response is almost always imagined in the negative: “Would you leave me alone!” Seldom do we imagine the other person looking up at us and singing “Some Enchanted Evening.”)

If we begin to move in the general direction of the person, the wall becomes almost solid. It seems an impenetrable barrier. We turn away, humming a chorus of “If I Loved You.”

The Wall of Fear is Not Real

Fear as a barrier is an illusion.

We have, however, been trained to treat this illusion as though it were real. This belief served us well in our childhood years. Our parents taught us to be afraid of everything new. This was – at that time – good advice.

We were too young to know the difference between the legitimately dangerous and the merely exciting.

When we grew old enough to know the difference, however, no one ever taught us to take risks, explore new territories, and treat fear as energy for doing and learning new things.

Fear as a reason not to do should be tucked away with all those other cozy childhood myths – Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. (The Tooth Fairy was particularly hard to let go of.)

“I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.” – Woody Allen

If fear is not a wall, what is it? It’s a feeling, that’s all. It will not (cannot) keep you from physically moving toward something unless you let it. It may act up and it may kick and scream. It may make your stomach feel like the butterfly cage at the zoo.

But it cannot stop you.

You stop you.

“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.” – George Bernard Shaw

The fear of meeting people, for example, is a particularly silly fear. Given that it’s in a place where they’re not going to slug you (Hell’s Angels bars are not recommended), the worst that can happen is that someone will reject you.

You are left with rejection.

If you don’t try, however, you have rejected yourself, and are left with exactly the same thing as if you had tried and failed – nothing.

If you do try, however, you may get what you want.

Even if you get rejected, you’ll learn more from the experience than if you had never tried. You may learn, for example, that certain ways of approaching certain people in certain situations work better than others.

We can learn as much (sometimes more) by what doesn’t work as by what does. If we don’t explore all the ways that really do and don’t work, we are left with only the untested techniques from our imagination and what seems to work in the movies.

As Dr. Melba Colgrove once said: “Anything that’s worth having is worth asking for.

Some say yes and some say no.”

To overcome a fear, here’s all you have to do: realize the fear is there, and do the action you fear anyway. Move – physically – in the direction of what you want. Expect the fear to get worse. It will. After you do several times the thing you fear, the fear will be less.

Eventually, it goes away.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“People living deeply have no fear of death.” – Anais Nin

Fear is something to be moved through, not something to be turned from. In fact, if you feel carefully, you’ll discover that the only difference between fear (a supposedly negative emotion) and excitement (a reputedly positive emotion) is what we choose to call it.

The sensation is exactly the same.

We just add a little “Oh, no!” to fear and a little “Oh, boy!” to excitement, that’s all.

Fear, then, can be seen for what it truly is–the energy to do your best in a new situation.

So, with that in mind, let’s return to death.

(“Oh, no!” “Oh, boy!”)

Until next time…if you’d like to get started on controlling your fear pick up a copy of Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior today!

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Cause and Effect: Warrior Mind Podcast #194

This Warrior Mind Podcast is based on the post “Cause and Effect Success.”
The purpose of this Warrior Mind Podcast is to persuade you that the secret to better results in any area of your life begins with reprograming your belief system so that you change your behavior. To help you understand cause and effect [...]

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Attitude – You Are What You Believe You Are

attitude

Most people do not recognize the power available to them in their own mind. Winston Churchill once said: “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”
If you could be anything and do anything, who would you be and what would you do?
He should know. After all, he led his country against all [...]

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Persistence, Success And Self-Esteem

Persistence

Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.—Christopher Morley

Persistence is defined as “voluntary continuation of a goal-directed action in spite of obstacles, difficulties, or discouragement” (Peterson and Seligman, 2004, p. 229).
Just as fear is a prerequisite for courage, challenge is a prerequisite for perseverance. Simply measuring how long someone sticks with a [...]

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Time Management: Warrior Mind Podcast #193

This Warrior Mind Podcast is based on the post “Time Management Skills For Success.”
The purpose of this Warrior Mind Podcast is to help you with time management by using the “sacristy” of time to motivate you to take action now toward your goals and dreams.
Too little time and too much to do is a [...]

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Dealing With A Psychic Vampire

Psychic Vampire

The people whom you have the most contact with and hang around will have either a positive or negative affect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence as opposed to psychic vampire.
We all know those people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around.
How do they make you feel?
Yes, they make you feel [...]

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Declutter Your Life To Achieve Your Human Potential

declutter your life

A lot of people carry around with them a lot of “baggage” or “clutter” in their minds.
When I say this I mean that they are still holding onto things that they say they should do but don’t, the person who they had a row with but both are not speaking to each other – [...]

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Goal Setting: Warrior Mind Podcast #192

This Warrior Mind Podcast is based on the post “Complacent Zone – How To Tell If You’re In One”
The purpose of this Warrior Mind Podcast is to help you understand that goal setting and achieving your goals is simple, but it’s not easy.
Here’s a question about goal setting I received from a listener:
“I often [...]

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How To Give A Confident and Powerful Presentation

presentation

You can deliver confident and powerful presentations!
All it takes is a little preparation, some practice, and a winning mindset.
You’ve been asked to give a presentation.
Congratulations! This is your chance to shine.
How To Deliver A Powerful Presentation
If you’re like most people, you probably don’t like presenting very much.
So, read on for some simple tips you [...]

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