Where Does The Desire To Change Come From – Love Or Fear?

As a coach I am always amazed how often all the factors that work to hold a person’s present lifestyle in stagnation.  I often ask myself, “How can I hope to assist these people to change?”

One of the constantly incredible and fascinating things about human beings is our desire to set out for the great unknown, to live life on the edge…well many of us anyways.

Despite a dozen reasons to stay where we are, time and time again, we set out on a quest to create a better life through personal growth and change.

What moves or motivates this desire for change?

Love and fear our primary motivators. We are either moving toward something or away from something.

The wisdom from “A Course in Miracles”, states that everything we do comes either from love or from fear. When we use this to our lifestyle change we can see that fear is motivating us but not into “fight or flight”, instead we experience “freeze or flight.”

Just like a rabbit in the woods as the hunter comes near, we might find that our fear causes us to become frozen and powerless. Such as, we may fear the diagnosis, so we never go to the doctor for the exam. However when we move into flight, it is fear that’s motivating us to take action.

As Bill Cosby said in a comedy routine about the grim subject of cancer, “I figure if I didn’t go in and get the exam than the doctor can’t tell me I’ve got it, and if he doesn’t tell me that I’ve got it…then I ain’t got.”

A good assessment tool may alert us to risks that are shortening the chances for us to have a long, healthy and happy life. A new diagnosis or health incident may alarm us and motivate change to our physical body and we may act out of fear of death or life of disability. An emotional assessment can indicate areas that need our emotional attention as well as mental strength assessment can help us determine our capacity for positive thinking.

When we look at what prompts us to change, our motivation for change may come out of love of self.

It may be the love that we have for ourselves that motivates our desire to enhance our life. It may be the love that we have for others who love and care about us. Many people quit smoking to either help their children avoid secondhand smoke, or simply out of a pledge they make to themselves to be around longer for their children grandchildren.

Fear is often a great springboard for change. It can jolt us into taking action. Sustaining that action, however, is where fear begins to lose its effectiveness. One of the primary reasons for having a coach is to succeed in lifestyle change where in the past you may have faltered or failed…perhaps repeatedly.

When we look for change to last as well as the motivation to carry the person through the replacement of negative and unsupportive habits and positive and empowering ones, we need to turn to love.

I cover these motivational aspects and how to do this during my Introductory Consultation, but clearly self-esteem, self-love is a deep well to be tapped into in order to sustain our desire for change. Tapping into the innate self loving forces the desire for self-actualization and accesses a powerful energy that fuels change.

In summary our present lifestyle is maintained by habit, comfort, fear, reinforcement.  Our desire to change and improve is motivated by love or fear.

Please share your thoughts in the comments below.